Two Years...

Two Years! 

Milestones in our lives, viewed from every angle can be hard to even comprehend.
Waiting for a missionary, finishing a college degree, being cancer-free, serving in a calling, watching grandchildren from birth, building or remodeling a house...we all make these journey's towards something new and hopefully better.

Two years ago I stood on the threshold of one such incredible journey. After nearly a life-time of broken dreams and painful failures, sometimes feeling so public it was as if I was running through Central Park stark naked, I finally admitted my addiction to flour and sugar- and my compulsive eating of everything associated with that- to the only One who had the power to heal. 
Broken, desperate, and terrified I opened a long-overdue dialog with my ever-loving Father in Heaven about my desire to live differently. 
Miraculously (to me ) I immediately discovered that He had given  me this very weakness, so that when I finally surrendered to His will, He could unveil the plan to my happiness that He already had in place.

I stood, two years ago, leaving behind me a trail of destructive, heart-breaking, misery....and looking forward believing, trusting, hoping and full-of confidence in my Savior's ability to help me succeed. Feet firmly planted on the road to recovery. 
Finally unlocking the power to release myself from the vice-like grip of addiction. 
Fully aware of my past life and it's seemingly-senseless actions,
I placed my Hand in His and took my first tremulous steps into His light.

Oh what a marvelous journey it has been! Tears flood my eyes, and course down my cheeks, as I now look back over my shoulder to a very different view! I am amazed at what The Lord has done with me. The more I have learned to surrender my will to His, the greater the vistas I am permitted to view of my life and potential. The further into recovery I am, the more I see His hands and heart moving in perfect majesty in my personal life....in minute detail He enters to lift and heal and encourage and bless.

I could not, I did not, dare to imagine the road I would now be on...I love my new life. I love the absence of the insane chatter in my head that used to plague my every waking moment. I love the peace, the serenity, the joy that now gently seeps into my heart, mind and soul. I love the pure knowledge that I am still not perfect but daily, sometimes hourly am willingly fighting the battle...teamed with the greatest power known to man. God!

I am so grateful to those of you who have  loved and supported me, even when you didn't fully understand all that was going on. I love that you have said things, kindly performed acts of service for me, and above all else have respected and encouraged me to remain on this challenging path to recovery. Every act of unselfish kindness is a memory that I often pull out to re-live...especially when the journey is harder to continue on some days. So thank you! You  will probably never know the extent of the blessing you are in my life, but I will never forget you.

And so now on this milestone today, I happily celebrate this beautiful journey, and eagerly anticipate more wonderful adventures as I trudge this happy road of destiny, 

Two years...and here's to two more...and two more...and two more!

A chair...

A chair,
an ordinary looking chair.
If this chair could talk....
it has already usefully and memorably filled a variety of capacities...

Countless family meals, special friends gatherings, wiggly bottoms of grandchildren, breathlessly holding newborns-fresh from Heaven. Time-outs for children and some adults, comfy-enough for Grandma's while doing puzzles on the computer. Audience chair for plays and performances of grandchildren, visits during a recovery. A place for chats between parents and adult children- while listening to wedding announcements, life dreams and house plans. A safe zone for checking loose teeth, splinters, and scrapes that need band-aides and all-better kisses, 'Nuggles' for story time with little grands, making Ana-braids, and every other kind too. 
And those special times where faith reaches out to meet hope, and a Priesthood blessing is called down from a loving Heavenly Father, to lift, strengthen, reassure, and give divine direction. Where righteous desire and complete trust and eternal love combine, and God's plan is revealed. Sacred moments where Heaven joins earth and His Spirit fills souls, and peace prevails, as only God can majestically orchestrate. Fear, doubt and worry flee in the face of such Priesthood Power. Home again is a sanctuary where faith, love and peace reside.
An ordinary chair ?    I think not !  Everything earth-bound has a greater, higher, divine purpose...even me. I may look ordinary to some, but God knows my royal blood, my divine nature, my eternal potential. And as I view myself through His eyes I begin to catch a glimpse of who I really am. A daughter of a King!  Endless potential lies within. Accomplishments too numerous to mention from before this world began. A future too glorious to describe. And so today I may look a little ordinary but there's always One who sees me as I truly am, so with my hand in His I take just one more step, and He gives me the strength to take another....together we are amazing!
A chair...
No ordinary chair...
When this chair shares....

On our way to Eternity

34 years ago I married my best friend and love of my life , in the House of the Lord, so we could be together for Eternity. The journey could not have been imagined that beautiful day. I am so grateful for the steady strength, endless kind patience, crazy humor, hard-working, gentle spirit this wonderful man of mine is. I didn't know love could be this amazing, nor could I possibly understand how deep this love would become. What a journey! The side of our road may be littered with pain, struggles and some heartaches, but we are still standing...together...on that road to Eternity, and holding hands, facing every new day together as one.  Happy Anniversary Lover! Thanks for asking.

Sand and the beach...

I grew up on the beaches of Australia. The memories I have are among the best of my life.   I am not sure I can adequately describe the way my soul seems to soar when my toes first feel the sand, or I see the sparking water, or hear the waves crashing with the steady rhythm- ageless as time itself, or feel the salty spray on my skin, or the tingle of the sun, or the unique smell of all things beach.....
I love the beach, whether it's Glenelg, in Adelaide, Bondi, or Bronte in Sydney, Tura Beach, Merimbula, New South Wales, Australia, Surfers Paradise on the Gold Coast or Queensland, Australia, La Jolla Shores, in San Diego California, Laie Hawaii, Ka'anapali Maui, or Peurto Plata in the Dominican Republic, they each have a special place in my heart.
My office and home are peppered with souvenirs of my beach times like, 
"Sand between your toes, waves crashing, sunsets...it doesn't get much better than this."
"My home is where the waves are"  and Frangipani's, sand dollars, seashells and more....
the beach speaks to my soul, and is easily one of my best sources to rejuvenate and replenish my heart. I love the quiet solace when it's just me and the waves...watching hypnotically the turquoise transparency of the almost breaking crest of each wave....I never tire of endlessly watching the waves roll in, and crash, foaming on the wet sand...and no matter what else is happening anywhere, those waves continually roll in time after time. To me  it's like a silent message from a loving Creator...I am here, I will always be here, and I love you with every breath. All is well. The balm to my soul though nearly impossible to describe, is felt by others too I know. It's as if He is saying, I got this...just breathe! And He does...and so I just breathe in that salty air, relishing in the newness of one more wave coming ashore, and yet the timelessness of endless waves under His command. 
So all this flooded my mind yesterday as I was reading the age-old story of the wise and foolish men in the scriptures. And how the Great Teacher draws a simple but powerful analogy of the extreme end results of two men who had both heard His teachings, and had good intentions.The first builds his house upon a rock and when "the rains descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house: and it fell not, for it was founded upon a rock." The tale continues with the foolish man who had built his house upon the sand..."the rains descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house and it fell and great was the fall of this house." I was reminded of a time in San Diego when a beautiful house was built on the edge of a cliff, overlooking the mighty Pacific Ocean. The owner wanted lush green grass in his backyard, and against the advice of the city continually watered it until one day, thoroughly soaked, that lovely green lawn simply dropped to the beach below it! It was quite the sight! "great was the fall thereof..."

And so with these thoughts streaming through my mind I gave greater attention to the sand in the story. And whilst I have walked on sandy beaches in multiple countries around the world, sand has one thing in common everywhere....it moves under pressure. We all love that feeling of warm, soft sand, and how it feels between our bare toes. However, it shifts when weight is put on it, it knows no boundaries, it gets caught in the wind and ends up wherever the wind drops it, it gets washed away by the waves, it's in a constant state of movement. Even footprints in it are, in time, no longer visible because it has moved. External forces create these changes, it's not the sand itself. 

And then there's the rock in the tale...immovable, solid, unchangeable, safe under these identical conditions. 

The lesson here is that the conditions may be the same, but the results are so different...based on our choice of foundation. This is true of many things but none so blatantly obvious as our personal choice of whom we choose to build our foundation upon. Winds, rains, floods...the house built on the rock is still there.

Christ is my rock. No matter what storms blow into my life, He is always there. My house is still standing after it has taken a beating. He is my sure foundation. And so as I continue to wander the sandy beaches world-wide, I will remember as that warm soft sand shifts between my toes, that it's wonderful to look at and feel, I will also remember my Savior, my rock, is who I will always build my life upon.

Farewell my sweet friend...

My dear friend and workmate Ronalyn Mortensen was found unresponsive yesterday by her husband and spent the day on life support, then this morning her heart just stopped and she went home to her living Heavenly Father. So I wrote this to her....Oh Rona the space you leave behind is immeasurably too large to ever be filled, and seems impossible to live in without you, but Heavenly Father has a plan for each of His children. But Oh how you will be missed! My heart is breaking and my arms ache to hug you, but that will have to wait for yet another day! know you are being rewarded now for your deep abiding faith in our life after death, and I know you will always be close by in spirit for your family, but gosh it's hard to get left behind! Thank you for the trail you are blazing for each of us , I for one will be faithfully following your wonderful example. Til we meet again....

Hard days....

My heart is nearly breaking tonight as my sweet friend lies in ICU on life-support. 
She is no stranger to trials, heartache and pain. Yet her strength and dedicated determination to do what is right, and live according to Heavenly Father's will, are the hallmark of her earthly sojourn. She is a powerhouse, blazing a trail of righteousness in the face of all odds.
My heart yearns for her return, but my soul knows God's will is all that matters, just as she would want it to be.
Often times I look at my wonderful husband, fabulous children, and dear sweet friends, and I wonder if today was my last day with them...what would they remember of me in the tomorrows that inevitably come after loss. It's times like this when I want to call into question my personal actions and behaviors. 
Am I being all that Heavenly Father wants me to be? 
Am I doing all the little things in life's daily living that really matter? 
Am I filling my soul with the weightier things of the Gospel? 
In essence , every day am I doing my best? 
                                          Not perfection but progression. 
                                                                  Only Satan lies about the need for perfection.
Heavenly Father knows my heart and my intentions. And after is all said and done, He will be my judge, just as He is my greatest cheerleader now. So I will press forward, having a perfect brightness of hope, and trust in His guiding Hand, and bear a song away...or at least I would if the tears weren't falling quite so fast....instead I hope for a miracle.

Inspired by others

I've been thinking about Samuel the Lamanite lately. He is a man of extraordinary courage. Often when we read about him in the Book of Mormon we see this courage of which I speak. However this time as I studied the account, I saw for the first time something different.
While what he did was exactly what the Lord asked him to do, the account is often viewed from the historical perspective. This time I saw him in the midst of a life-threatening trial. Yet even with hideous odds, he continued to share the message of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. As some of the on-lookers saw his courage, some followed his example and went away to find Nephi to be baptized...shortly after that as others saw that the soldiers arrows and stones could not hit him, still others went away believing, and sought Nephi to baptize them. Meanwhile, having done as the Lord had commanded him, Samuel slips away-unharmed physically, never to be heard of again. He probably had no idea anyone had been affected by his bold declarations, in peril for his life.

Perhaps we are sometimes a little like Samuel, we boldly go forward doing what's right, doing our best, sometimes we are still surrounded by trails, heartache and pain. We pull on our faith, follow the Lord, and somehow the light at the end of the tunnel eventually is realized. During these times we are often so absorbed in survival we have no idea who is watching.

I submit that as we each keep our covenants, we pray for each other, when we are aware of their trials, and we do what we can to lighten others burdens. Yet ultimately our gift is that we can draw strength as we witness others stand tall during their personal trials and heartache. Our own testimonies can be strengthened if we are willing to learn from those around us.

My dear friend Chris, recently went through a grueling year fighting breast cancer. It was not a fight any of us could do for her, yet we fasted prayed and supported any way we could. And ultimately as she came to the end of the tunnel, I knew this experience had strengthened my testimony of a loving Father who knew her well! 

And so I guess the lesson to be learned from courageous Chris and obedient Samuel, is that sometimes our own trials are not for us alone but in part, to lift and strengthen those around us, even if we are totally unaware at the time.

I like to believe that Samuel and his converts have enjoyed a glorious meeting, on the other side of the veil, and are eternal friends now!

Dallas Darlings..

These are a couple of my Dallas darlings....and this morning I am so grateful for them.
As my heart aches, and my eyes are filled to overflowing with sad tears, for the horrific
events that have unfolded last night, I am shattered at thinking of so many whose lives 
have been irreversible altered by senseless acts of violence. A dad snapping a picture like this, loving his children so much that sharing them with those he loves is so natural...realizing this may never happen again for those who lay their lives on the line every time they put on their uniform, and kiss their babies goodbye! For those of you who are one of those brave, unselfish public servants, there are never adequate words to express the gratitude I feel! Thank you seems trite, but comes full of gratitude and respect for your willing service...every single day.

After the initial shock, one of the first thoughts that came to my mind was the Book Of Mormon Gadianton Robbers...their relentless pursuits of evil, created havoc for so many good people. Their thirst for power, wealth and ultimately revenge for perceived past wrongs...not even committed against them...left such a wake of pain and suffering over and over again.
When we fail to learn the lessons of history, we are condemned to repeat them. The cycles in the Book of Mormon we can now read within several months, yet they were lived within hundreds of years. That gives us an added advantage of a concentrated view, a different perspective, if you will, of these 'cycles' within the pages. Patterns emerge that are now visible to the reader that were not expressly obvious to those who were living the story.
Learn we must, as we study, to avoid the same pitfalls and disasters. 

As we pray for those who are suffering today, let us also pray for ourselves, that we may learn the lessons Heavenly Father is trying to teach us. Let us be kind to others and look for ways to reach out,and serve each other, and care for one another as Christ would have us do. We are all family, God's royal family.

How do I grow?

7/6/16

It has been said pain is often a pre-requisite of spiritual progress-  I agree with that somewhat...however seeking the Lord and asking for His divine guidance in growing spiritually, is actually the hallmark of His gospel. Both ways to spiritual growth are effective when I give the control to God. When I surrender or submit my will to His learning process, I am blessed spiritually. 
It's all about the surrender-

It has also been said "There are cases where our ancient enemy, rationalization, has stepped in & has justified conduct which was really wrong."
If in that moment of decision I can remember, in my life- rationalization is a tool of Satan...and I can again surrender my will to Him who rules over Satan, then He lends me His strength, that I may ignore Satan & his rationalization and follow God's plan for me. 

In the beginning...

So I have decided to begin sharing some of my soul with whomever would like to follow along...
Here we go on this grand adventure. In full disclosure...I have absolutely no idea what will happen here but just like Nephi of old... I don't know beforehand the things I will do here...I do this a lot in my life so buckle up hang on and here we go!