As I contemplated all the ramifications of having another series of hand surgeries, numbers 5 & 6, I was admittedly concerned about many things. Foremost in those concerns was how the surgery would be performed this time, if I so chose. This could be the first one he can do in his office, without the invasive anesthesia, on one condition, if I could handle the needle to numb my hand. I thought long and hard about this decision. I knew hands have an incredible number of nerves in them. I actually visualized the nasty numbing needle dentists use. I shuddered at that memory. So I started to verbalize my concerns to the Lord.
His immediate response was to have me recall His hands....and then in His characteristic gentle humor he said, "Really, will it be worse than My hands?" In my minds eye I visualized Christ's scarred hands that do and will testify to His Divine Role. Savior of the world.
My mind instantly flashed to Joseph's prayer in Liberty jail as he was delineating his concerns for himself and the saints he was Prophet to, and Christ answered him, "The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than He?" D&C 122:8-9
I smiled...all would be well, and He knew already how I would feel! I re-read the scriptural account if this Liberty Jail account. And I noticed in Christ's answer he first empathized with Joseph, he knew how Joseph was feeling, and then His gentle reminder that He of all people was not only the greatest (of all time...G.O.A.T.) but that He gently reminded Joseph this would not be as hard at what Christ had survived himself in mortality. And He went on to say God will be with you!
I took Him at His word and moved forward in my decision. In the moment I mentally called upon my Savior, fully awake, and when the surgeon stepped away I was flooded with gratitude at the power of Christ's atonement evidenced in that moment. Again I was stunned at the personal relationship I reverence and share with my elder brother Jesus Christ. I cannot profess to understand how He does what He alone does, but right now His Power was my comfort, solace and strength.
The surgery went well and the healing was surprising to all! Enough so that I scheduled the second hand to be done the following week. With only minor setbacks I am healing.
So today as I was studying the first accounts of interactions with the newly Resurrected Christ I marveled at some new understanding the Holy Ghost shared with me. When the two Disciples were walking on the road to Emmaus, and Christ joined them, their eyes were holden (restricted) so they didn't know the identity of the Savior in that moment. However after a lengthy discussion of the scriptures, Christ accepted their invitation to eat dinner with them. Then it was during the dinner that Christ took the bread of the meal, brake and blessed it. Instantly their eyes were opened and they recognized whose hands were breaking bread before them. The risen Lord Jesus Christ! The marks on His hands testified of Him, through the power of the great Testifier, The Holy Ghost. As they reflected on their conversation earlier on the road, they recognized again the feelings they had as Christ taught them. The Holy Ghost was just starting to be recognized as they had no need of His divine gift, when they had the Savior among them in the flesh.
Then in an attempt to liken the scriptures unto me. I thought of the priests hands breaking bread and blessing it for me every week. I could visualize this meal with His disciples, and I could visualize Christ breaking bread for my renewal of my covenants weekly. I know if He were to be in our Sacrament meeting, I believe he would want to personally minister to each of us, by braking, blessing and offering those sacred emblems to each person there.
And so today my hands are slowly healing, I am trying to do as He directs, but I always fall short- so it is with eager anticipation that I now begin my preparation to reverently, purposefully and ever so gratefully partake of that sweet ordinance on Sunday.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FySuVkiit0
Thursday, June 27, 2019
Sunday, June 9, 2019
A birthday for Bryce.
Twenty seven years ago! Oh what a night! I witnessed multiple miracles, as the moment had finally come. Bryce had finally arrived, blue as a blueberry, with his cord wrapped around his neck multiple times. With no newborn cry, the respiratory therapists began hitting his chest with a special mallet trying to have him breathe. Within a minute he was bundled up, thrust towards my face with the quiet command "Kiss your baby" which I did and then was startled when they ran from the room, and their racing footsteps could be heard all the way to the nursery!!
I looked at Clark and said "you'd better go with him." He quickly left the room. I closed my eyes and prayed, but felt only peace. What I know now- was that on some level I knew he was in the Lord's gentle hands. While they cleaned me up, I lay quietly and reflected on all that had just happened. I marveled at the knowledge that the little hand I had felt on my belly towards the end with each contraction, was Bryce's twin Bronson. The twin I had miscarried within the first week of my pregnancy! I had seen him and silently communicated with him! I knew him immediately! What a marvelous miracle! Clark arrived back after a short stay with Bryce to report, "He has pinked up nicely, and is beautiful. I'll see you tomorrow." And with that he was gone. I breathed a sigh of relief, believing all was well.
The nurse finally asked if I would like to see my baby before going to my room, from my wheelchair, I nodded, already feeling the effects of the sleeping pill. Suddenly I was shocked into complete awareness, and felt nearly strangled with fear, as she wheeled me into the Newborn Intensive Care Unit!!
The veritable sea of medical personnel parted and to my horror, I saw my son lying on his back in an open crib hooked to countless tubes, leads and machines, with his eyes closed, motionless! Something was very, very wrong, but no one had any answers yet, and I was wheeled silently to my room.
Several hours later Bryce's new pediatrician, kindly entered my room and introduced himself. He gently told me our boy was very sick, but in excellent hands, and they were running some tests, but hopefully I would be nursing him within a few more hours. I was still in shock, but had the presence of mind to call Clark and tell him to come and give our beautiful boy a blessing, because he may not make it. Clark's Dad met us in the NICU, Bryce was still not conscious as they reverently stepped up to Bryce's bedside. Clark went to lay his hands on Bryce's head..and suddenly faltered, and withdrew his hands...softly he said "I don't know if I can do this..." As I met his eyes I saw his love for our son and yet agony was etched on his face. Little did I know our whole world was about to change. Clark again stepped up, and with trust and determination, he began the first of many blessings for this child. Then my heart crashed to the depths of terror as I heard Clark say, "Heavenly Father Bryce's is your son, if Thou needs to take him home, we will accept Thy Will. But Father if he is permitted to stay I will teach him all he needs to know to return to Thee someday." Silent tears slid down my cheeks, my mind screamed silently...."Please no! He just got here! But...Thy will be done." I fell weeping into Clark's arms and we cried together.
Two days later I was checking out of the hospital, with a photograph of my beautiful boy, Bryce, twin of Bronson. One of the nurses had kindly snapped a rare shot of Bryce as they were changing the tube into his mouth, and oxygen tubing into his nose. He had not one, but two deep, beautiful dimples, and the most magnetic blue eyes. Lots of dark hair and long dark eyelashes! But instead of taking that long-awaited bundle of joy home, he was being wheeled into surgery to correct a duodenal stenosis-high grade. A blockage of his intestines.
To say this whole experience was unexpected would be a gross understatement. I won't go into any more detail here...it will be in the book! Yes I am writing a book. Please pray for me as I battle many fears, and Satan, in this project.
So today I look back and marvel at the evidence of the Lord's hand throughout this child's earthly life. I have been awed and humbled as pieces of the Grand Picture have been given to me over the years. Bryce is a truly remarkable soul, and I love him so much. The Mother-Bear in me has always been very close to the surface during his life, as we have walked through the valley of the shadow of death many times.
However, today, today we celebrate him. His goodness, his spirit, his beautiful eyes and dimples even! His kindness, the depth of his soul, and his undeniable connection to his twin brother Bronson. While Bronson had a very different arrival date to his mortality than Bryce, he has none-the-less been very much a part of our family's story. He has been permitted to be with me many times,and he is a very real part of Bryce's sojourn here.
I can hardly comprehend the journey we have shared with Bryce, and it is not over yet! But I love him with my whole soul. Relationships are undeniably altered when that walk into the shadow of death, as we know it, is undertaken...not one, not twice, but every time it happens. And I know it will happen again.
But today we celebrate! We are thankful for the multitude of miracles, awed by the opportunities for spiritual growth, humbled by the glorious love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have for this valiant son. Today we hope Bryce knows how we treasure him, love him and are inspired by his struggles with, and victories over, his personal challenges. He is amazing! We are so proud of his efforts! I personally appreciate his spiritual insights and his quick laugh, spontaneous hugs, sticky-notes of love all over the place, his ability to let the past be the past, though it is a daily determination still.
Happy Birthday to you my darling Bryce! Thank you for being here with us today!
I looked at Clark and said "you'd better go with him." He quickly left the room. I closed my eyes and prayed, but felt only peace. What I know now- was that on some level I knew he was in the Lord's gentle hands. While they cleaned me up, I lay quietly and reflected on all that had just happened. I marveled at the knowledge that the little hand I had felt on my belly towards the end with each contraction, was Bryce's twin Bronson. The twin I had miscarried within the first week of my pregnancy! I had seen him and silently communicated with him! I knew him immediately! What a marvelous miracle! Clark arrived back after a short stay with Bryce to report, "He has pinked up nicely, and is beautiful. I'll see you tomorrow." And with that he was gone. I breathed a sigh of relief, believing all was well.
The nurse finally asked if I would like to see my baby before going to my room, from my wheelchair, I nodded, already feeling the effects of the sleeping pill. Suddenly I was shocked into complete awareness, and felt nearly strangled with fear, as she wheeled me into the Newborn Intensive Care Unit!!
The veritable sea of medical personnel parted and to my horror, I saw my son lying on his back in an open crib hooked to countless tubes, leads and machines, with his eyes closed, motionless! Something was very, very wrong, but no one had any answers yet, and I was wheeled silently to my room.
Several hours later Bryce's new pediatrician, kindly entered my room and introduced himself. He gently told me our boy was very sick, but in excellent hands, and they were running some tests, but hopefully I would be nursing him within a few more hours. I was still in shock, but had the presence of mind to call Clark and tell him to come and give our beautiful boy a blessing, because he may not make it. Clark's Dad met us in the NICU, Bryce was still not conscious as they reverently stepped up to Bryce's bedside. Clark went to lay his hands on Bryce's head..and suddenly faltered, and withdrew his hands...softly he said "I don't know if I can do this..." As I met his eyes I saw his love for our son and yet agony was etched on his face. Little did I know our whole world was about to change. Clark again stepped up, and with trust and determination, he began the first of many blessings for this child. Then my heart crashed to the depths of terror as I heard Clark say, "Heavenly Father Bryce's is your son, if Thou needs to take him home, we will accept Thy Will. But Father if he is permitted to stay I will teach him all he needs to know to return to Thee someday." Silent tears slid down my cheeks, my mind screamed silently...."Please no! He just got here! But...Thy will be done." I fell weeping into Clark's arms and we cried together.
Two days later I was checking out of the hospital, with a photograph of my beautiful boy, Bryce, twin of Bronson. One of the nurses had kindly snapped a rare shot of Bryce as they were changing the tube into his mouth, and oxygen tubing into his nose. He had not one, but two deep, beautiful dimples, and the most magnetic blue eyes. Lots of dark hair and long dark eyelashes! But instead of taking that long-awaited bundle of joy home, he was being wheeled into surgery to correct a duodenal stenosis-high grade. A blockage of his intestines.
To say this whole experience was unexpected would be a gross understatement. I won't go into any more detail here...it will be in the book! Yes I am writing a book. Please pray for me as I battle many fears, and Satan, in this project.
So today I look back and marvel at the evidence of the Lord's hand throughout this child's earthly life. I have been awed and humbled as pieces of the Grand Picture have been given to me over the years. Bryce is a truly remarkable soul, and I love him so much. The Mother-Bear in me has always been very close to the surface during his life, as we have walked through the valley of the shadow of death many times.
However, today, today we celebrate him. His goodness, his spirit, his beautiful eyes and dimples even! His kindness, the depth of his soul, and his undeniable connection to his twin brother Bronson. While Bronson had a very different arrival date to his mortality than Bryce, he has none-the-less been very much a part of our family's story. He has been permitted to be with me many times,and he is a very real part of Bryce's sojourn here.
I can hardly comprehend the journey we have shared with Bryce, and it is not over yet! But I love him with my whole soul. Relationships are undeniably altered when that walk into the shadow of death, as we know it, is undertaken...not one, not twice, but every time it happens. And I know it will happen again.
But today we celebrate! We are thankful for the multitude of miracles, awed by the opportunities for spiritual growth, humbled by the glorious love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have for this valiant son. Today we hope Bryce knows how we treasure him, love him and are inspired by his struggles with, and victories over, his personal challenges. He is amazing! We are so proud of his efforts! I personally appreciate his spiritual insights and his quick laugh, spontaneous hugs, sticky-notes of love all over the place, his ability to let the past be the past, though it is a daily determination still.
Happy Birthday to you my darling Bryce! Thank you for being here with us today!
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