M, L & M part 2

The urgency to continue to write the book I am working on, has pulled at me noticeably for the last few days. I have responded, but as my hands are still healing, it has been a challenge.Then added to the fact Cassidy arrived in town late Saturday to collect Emma & the kids for their final departure to Texas...oh how it pains my heart to even say it, let alone live through it these next few days, I hadn't been too successful at making time to write. 

However this morning I arose with a heightened sense of urgency to write. I opened my office window and the beautiful summer morning flooded into my room. The trees still, the sun shining in patterns through their leaves to my desk, the birds chattering in every tree, the cool morning air, with it's promise of summer heat to come later. Quiet. Peaceful. Hopeful. I smiled as I watched the hummingbirds feed in short, wings-fluttering-sips from the feeders.Then it was all temporarily shattered as I heard the all-too-familiar sounds of Bryce gaming downstairs, as he wound up his all-night session.

Suddenly the sting of his no-show yesterday to our family dinner (the last one we'd all be together until November.) rose to the forefront of my mind, and the other frustrations of seeing him alive but not living, too numerous to mention flashed with equal force through my consciousness. I whined to Clark, but knew I couldn't go against the Lord's directive. I sighed and picked up where I had left off. 

July 9 2018 blog titled M, L & M. As I read what I had written almost exactly one year ago...the Spirit gently made Itself known. I kept on reading. Suddenly I was swept back in time to that day. And the Holy Ghost said, "Just ask." And like a giant puzzle before me the final piece appeared. 
"Father what would Thou have me to do?" Instantly the impression came, 
"Limit his internet, and go back to a simpler form of the 24 hour plan." 
Afraid to make a wrong step in this moment I asked, 
"Lord just to be clear this is Thy will?" 
The second witness flooded through me as chills swept over me, and my heart KNEW.
I could hardly contain the urgency to share this with Clark. But forced myself to breathe, feel and enjoy the confirmation that what we were about to enforce was indeed Gods will...come what may. Other than the tears falling freely, the sun still shone, the birds were still singing, and the trees were peaceful, stirring occasionally on the gentle breeze. 

My heart felt peace. Hope. Faith, and blessed silence. And then I began to marvel at the magnitude of what had just happened. A year ago the Lord had answered my prayer that day but also laid the foundation to answer today's pleas. He answered my prayer before I even uttered it today! I stopped writing to record in my journal the miracle of God's hand in my life today. In doing so I recalled another time with similar circumstances. We had finally agreed to move back to Utah when Word Perfect came calling. Saddled with student loans upon graduation we had been praying for 7 years for help to meet our needs. Then the call came and we returned, and our first year-end bonus, paid off our loans completely! God had already laid the foundation for those prayers to be answered, years before we began asking. I will never forget the stunned silence when Clark told me. 

I choose to see and acknowledge every act of goodness from God. Every Tender Mercy. He is closer than we realize. He certainly is in the very details of my every day life. And He alone knows the secret desires buried deep within this Mother's heart. Oh how I love Him!

And now back to the joy of writing, praying always that His will be done. And shoring up my heart against the loss it shall surely feel when the final moments come for the kids to leave, back to Texas. My keyboard is swimming, blurry with my tears. But oh what a gift this 16 months has been. Also interesting to me that these 16 months were when Cassidy's family's love, strength and support was available before we even knew how desperately we would need them. Another answer to unspoken prayers! 

So as the unique hum of the hummingbirds wings penetrate my summer morning, I give thanks for Tender Mercies, and answers to silent prayers. God is good!

His Hands

As I contemplated all the ramifications of having another series of hand surgeries, numbers 5 & 6, I was admittedly concerned about many things. Foremost in those concerns was how the surgery would be performed this time, if I so chose. This could be the first one he can do in his office, without the invasive anesthesia, on one condition, if I could handle the needle to numb my hand. I thought long and hard about this decision. I knew hands have an incredible number of nerves in them. I actually visualized the nasty numbing needle dentists use. I shuddered at that memory. So I started to verbalize my concerns to the Lord.
His immediate response was to have me recall His hands....and then in His characteristic gentle humor he said, "Really, will it be worse than My hands?" In my minds eye I visualized Christ's scarred hands that do and will testify to His Divine Role. Savior of the world.

My mind instantly flashed to Joseph's prayer in Liberty jail as he was delineating his concerns for himself and the saints he was Prophet to, and Christ answered him, "The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than He?" D&C 122:8-9 
I smiled...all would be well, and He knew already how I would feel! I re-read the scriptural account if this Liberty Jail account. And I noticed in Christ's answer he first empathized with Joseph, he knew how Joseph was feeling, and then His gentle reminder that He of all people was not only the greatest (of all time...G.O.A.T.) but that He gently reminded Joseph this would not be as hard at what Christ had survived himself in mortality. And He went on to say God will be with you!

I took Him at His word and moved forward in my decision. In the moment I mentally called upon my Savior, fully awake, and when the surgeon stepped away I was flooded with gratitude at the power of Christ's atonement evidenced in that moment. Again I was stunned at the personal relationship I reverence and share with my elder brother Jesus Christ. I cannot profess to understand how He does what He alone does, but right now His Power was my comfort, solace and strength.

The surgery went well and the healing was surprising to all! Enough so that I scheduled the second hand to be done the following week. With only minor setbacks I am healing.

So today as I was studying the first accounts of interactions with the newly Resurrected Christ I marveled at some new understanding the Holy Ghost shared with me. When the two Disciples were walking on the road to Emmaus, and Christ joined them, their eyes were holden (restricted) so they didn't know the identity of the Savior in that moment. However after a lengthy discussion of the scriptures, Christ accepted their invitation to eat dinner with them. Then it was during the dinner that Christ took the bread of the meal, brake and blessed it. Instantly their eyes were opened and they recognized whose hands were breaking bread before them. The risen Lord Jesus Christ! The marks on His hands testified of Him, through the power of the great Testifier, The Holy Ghost. As they reflected on their conversation earlier on the road, they recognized again the feelings they had as Christ taught them. The Holy Ghost was just starting to be recognized as they had no need of His divine gift, when they had the Savior among them in the flesh.

Then in an attempt to liken the scriptures unto me. I thought of the priests hands breaking bread and blessing it for me every week. I could visualize this meal with His disciples, and I could visualize Christ breaking bread for my renewal of my covenants weekly. I know if He were to be in our Sacrament meeting, I believe he would want to personally minister to each of us, by braking, blessing and offering those sacred emblems to each person there.

And so today my hands are slowly healing, I am trying to do as He directs, but I always fall short- so it is with eager anticipation that I now begin my preparation to reverently, purposefully and ever so gratefully partake of that sweet ordinance on Sunday. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FySuVkiit0

A birthday for Bryce.

Twenty seven years ago! Oh what a night! I witnessed multiple miracles, as the moment had finally come. Bryce had finally arrived, blue as a blueberry, with his cord wrapped around his neck multiple times. With no newborn cry, the respiratory therapists began hitting his chest with a special mallet trying to have him breathe. Within a minute he was bundled up, thrust towards my face with the quiet command "Kiss your baby" which I did and then was startled when they ran from the room, and their racing footsteps could be heard all the way to the nursery!! 
I looked at Clark and said "you'd better go with him." He quickly left the room. I closed my eyes and prayed, but felt only peace. What I know now- was that on some level I knew he was in the Lord's gentle hands. While they cleaned me up, I lay quietly and reflected on all that had just happened. I marveled at the knowledge that the little hand I had felt on my belly towards the end with each contraction, was Bryce's twin Bronson. The twin I had miscarried within the first week of my pregnancy! I had seen him and silently communicated with him! I knew him immediately! What a marvelous miracle! Clark arrived back after a short stay with Bryce to report, "He has pinked up nicely, and is beautiful. I'll see you tomorrow." And with that he was gone. I breathed a sigh of relief, believing all was well.

The nurse finally asked if I would like to see my baby before going to my room, from my wheelchair, I nodded, already feeling the effects of the sleeping pill. Suddenly I was shocked into complete awareness, and felt nearly strangled with fear, as she wheeled me into the Newborn Intensive Care Unit!! 
The veritable sea of medical personnel parted and to my horror, I saw my son lying on his back in an open crib hooked to countless tubes, leads and machines, with his eyes closed, motionless! Something was very, very wrong, but no one had any answers yet, and I was wheeled silently to my room. 

Several hours later Bryce's new pediatrician, kindly entered my room and introduced himself. He gently told me our boy was very sick, but in excellent hands, and they were running some tests, but hopefully I would be nursing him within a few more hours. I was still in shock, but had the presence of mind to call Clark and tell him to come and give our beautiful boy a blessing, because he may not make it. Clark's Dad met us in the NICU, Bryce was still not conscious as they reverently stepped up to Bryce's bedside. Clark went to lay his hands on Bryce's head..and suddenly faltered, and withdrew his hands...softly he said "I don't know if I can do this..." As I met his eyes I saw his love for our son and yet agony was etched on his face. Little did I know our whole world was about to change. Clark again stepped up, and with trust and determination, he began the first of many blessings for this child. Then my heart crashed to the depths of terror as I heard Clark say, "Heavenly Father Bryce's is your son, if Thou needs to take him home, we will accept Thy Will. But Father if he is permitted to stay I will teach him all he needs to know to return to Thee someday." Silent tears slid down my cheeks, my mind screamed silently...."Please no! He just got here! But...Thy will be done." I fell weeping into Clark's arms and we cried together. 

Two days later I was checking out of the hospital, with a photograph of my beautiful boy, Bryce, twin of Bronson. One of the nurses had kindly snapped a rare shot of Bryce as they were changing the tube into his mouth, and oxygen tubing into his nose. He had not one, but two deep, beautiful dimples, and the most magnetic blue eyes. Lots of dark hair and long dark eyelashes!  But instead of taking that long-awaited bundle of joy home, he was being wheeled into surgery to correct a duodenal stenosis-high grade. A blockage of his intestines. 

To say this whole experience was unexpected would be a gross understatement. I won't go into any more detail here...it will be in the book! Yes I am writing a book. Please pray for me as I battle many fears, and Satan, in this project.

So today I look back and marvel at the evidence of the Lord's hand throughout this child's earthly life. I have been awed and humbled as pieces of the Grand Picture have been given to me over the years. Bryce is a truly remarkable soul, and I love him so much. The Mother-Bear in me has always been very close to the surface during his life, as we have walked through the valley of the shadow of death many times.

However, today, today we celebrate him. His goodness, his spirit, his beautiful eyes and dimples even! His kindness, the depth of his soul, and his undeniable connection to his twin brother Bronson. While Bronson had a very different arrival date to his mortality than Bryce, he has none-the-less been very much a part of our family's story. He has been permitted to be with me many times,and he is a very real part of Bryce's sojourn here.

I can hardly comprehend the journey we have shared with Bryce, and it is not over yet! But I love him with my whole soul. Relationships are undeniably altered when that walk into the shadow of death, as we know it, is undertaken...not one, not twice, but every time it happens. And I know it will happen again.

But today we celebrate! We are thankful for the multitude of miracles, awed by the opportunities for spiritual growth, humbled by the glorious love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have for this valiant son. Today we hope Bryce knows how we treasure him, love him and are inspired by his struggles with, and victories over, his personal challenges. He is amazing! We are so proud of his efforts! I personally appreciate his spiritual insights and his quick laugh, spontaneous hugs, sticky-notes of love all over the place, his ability to let the past be the past, though it is a daily determination still.

Happy Birthday to you my darling Bryce! Thank you for being here with us today!

Angels among us...again.

I am more sensitive to hearing the Lord's requests, over and over in the scriptures, of the need for us to turn to Him. In all we do, seek Him. I wonder if I hadn't taken to heart this request, was it necessary to almost lose my son, in order for me to hear His plea, or follow it? Now I am sure many would emphatically disagree that the Lord would ever allow this on purpose...I am just pondering the possibility.

Today we sat with friends in church. And just as the meeting started Lynn was whispered into service for his calling, necessitating he leave his inside seat, climb over several of us to get out. Then as the Sacrament prayer began I heard someone sit down behind me, and felt their presence there. I had a fleeting thought, it must be Lynn and he didn't want to disturb us again. I glanced over my shoulder and was stunned to see the bench empty! 
Immediately I knew Bronson was there. I felt my heart race and my breath was gone. Only then did it occur to me to wonder why? Why was he here? I closed my eyes, to avoid any distractions, and felt my way into the experience of having my son close by.

As we were leaving for church today Bryce had come upstairs, and I invited him to come to church. He shook his head but said "I love you."  and then gave me one of his just-woken-up warm hugs. I trusted in the Lord, and gave Him my heartache in that moment and walked out. This experience ran through my mind, as I contemplated Bronson's visit today. I recalled a similar experience the day my brother Craig had died. I felt him sit down between Cassidy and I as the Sacrament Service began. Surprised, we had only been notified of his death a few hours earlier, I asked him "What are you doing here?" He answered, "I wanted to go to church today with family and you were the only one who went." After the Sacrament had been completed, Craig was gone. I found out later I had been the only one in Church that day. (Mum was nearly undone in her grief and couldn't face anyone that day.)

Then gently my answer came from Bronson, "I wanted you to know that I wanted to be in church with you today. You are loved and honored as a Mother in Zion." Tears filled my eyes and I thanked him & the Lord for such a tender blessing. I was reminded that although the veil may separate me from some of my children right now, the day would surely come when all of them would worship with me again. Silently Bronson slipped away, and I marveled at such a sacred, sweet  experience. I idly wondered how many other 'angels' were among us during that sacred part of our Sunday worship, on any given day.

Then our Sunday School lesson included the interaction between Christ and the rich young ruler. Clark and I had been studying it this week, and he recalled learning awhile ago that most often people pass over a very critical part of the story, when Christ looked upon this young man, "and loved him". It was a powerful reminder that regardless of our choices Christ loves us all. He will meet us wherever we are- and make us complete, if we let Him.
In this story Christ reviews several of The Ten Commandments, and the young man responded that he had been keeping those commandments his whole life, which was true, however when Christ issued His request to sell all he had and give to the poor, then take up His cross and follow Him, the young man couldn't do it. The general narrative of this is the young man loved his riches too much. I think it goes deeper than that.

I puzzled over this for days, finally I looked up the 10 commandments and knowing some were commandments about loving the Lord and the rest were about loving others, I reviewed the Savior's verbal list. Sure enough the rich young ruler had indeed kept all that applied to loving others, however he had missed the four about loving the Lord. His focus hadn't, and wouldn't be, on the Savior! I have to believe that the description given this young man was accurate: rich young ruler, he had focused his good life on everything to become rich at a young age, but not on the Savior! 

What tender mercies this day have been pored out on me. 
As I have focused on my Savior, He has indeed blessed me again, as He has promised.

Ahhhh Mothers Day

The gentle breeze causes the leaves to dance and filter the streaming sunshine into lovely little patches of light alive with movement. I marvel some days at the sheer simplicity of what brings me joy.

Today is Mothers Day. 

My family and friends have shared their Mother's Day celebrations in Australia and I am in humble awe at the rich heritage of strong women I descend from. 

I am eternally grateful for the blessing of my sweet Mother in my life. For she has been an unshakable tower of strength. She continues to set an amazing example of faithful endurance.Her Mother's heart has embraced every soul she has ever met. She is kindness personified. I am grateful to have her in my life. I remember at about 12 years old I finally got up the courage to ask her when she would tell a child they were adopted. I have no idea where that notion came by but I clearly remember the anxiety with which I proposed that question. She was ironing in the laundry room. 

Her answer was, "Well I guess when I thought they could handle it."

 

I came away devastated, not only did the question of my adoption not have an answer...apparently I was not old enough to handle the truth!

As I continued to grow up it became very evident physically that I was indeed not adopted. She may be short where I am tall...but those eyes! Well needless to say those eyes have been passed to two more generations, and with Danielle's recent bombshell surprise of her pregnancy, maybe we'll have another child with Grand-Nanny's blue eyes too!

And also my maternal Grandmother, Nanny, and my other-mother-Aunty Yvonne. 

These three women of faith and strength chartered new waters in our family line, accepting the gospel of Jesus Christ. As I have grown up following their gospel example I have seen their deep well of faith, strength under incredible pain and heartache, form them into beautiful daughters of God. Their unwavering faith has strengthened me in my times of trial. Their love has lifted me out of the depths of despair. Their laughter has brightened my days.

A Mother is one who loves without restraint. The very act of mothering is often a hallmark of one who cares more for others, than in that moment, she cares for herself. It doesn't always mean a biological bridge, shared similar cells. Mothering is one who nurtures another, one who loves another, one who serves another.

I have often seen the heartache, the nearly all-consuming desire to be a Mother. And often the role of Mother comes most unexpectedly. Children whose desire to be part of a family agree to almost any condition while on the other side of the veil, to come to earth. Some of those children are blessed with incredible Mothers, whose desire vastly outweighs their ability to give physical birth. And so those Mothers give so unselfishly to love, nurture and teach these little souls. 

Yesterday my sweet friend Lori had to unexpectedly bury her Mother. My heart ached as I witnessed the great love and sacrifice this event caused her. When I got to meet her new little grandson, and I immediately saw Lori's eyes looking up at me. The words tumbled out of my mouth instinctively, "Oh my goodness he has Lori's eyes!" Then as the unplanned words registered in my brain I said, "Oh that's not really a possibility is it?" I knew Lori had adopted each of her sons, so biologically the bluest eyes hadn't physically been sent down the gene pool to this darling boy, but it got me to thinking. And I still wonder today, when we reach the other side of the veil, when everything will be remembered and revealed, how closely are we all connected, regardless of our physical birth process? It's a thought I will continue to ponder. But in the visual connection I witnessed moments later as Lori held and lovingly kissed that little grandson, I marveled that  I had completely forgotten she hadn't given birth to those boys. She had indeed Mothered them in every sense of the word. Even caring 'til death one of them who was called Home early. 

I have many loved ones and friends around me who have had their children (and grandchildren too) arrive into their loving arms not the conventional way. I think of one niece who adopted and is raising her sisters twins. Of another who is raising her recently deceased brother-in-law's son. Even my own children, have opened their lives and hearts to love unconditionally their step-children. So many doing so much, under the sacred shield of Motherhood. Someone said once to me, "You are amazing. You love your step-grandchildren as much as you do your biological ones." I was a bit shocked at the comment, and responded "Well they are my grandchildren!"

May we each cast aside the self-recrimination, the unkind judgement, the feelings of being less-than, the comparison to others that are tools of Satan, designed to make us forget who we really are.

And so on this beautiful Mother's Day I bow my head, and lift my voice, in honor of Mothers everywhere. We all have shared the same feelings- hope, love, loss, inadequacy, loneliness, anxious waiting, and painful partings. In any, all, and every form we should praise and respect every woman we know. For in every heart we women are all Mothers, regardless of what we think we see in others. Let's love and embrace every woman as the crowning creation of a loving Father and Mother in Heaven. For that is truly who we all are.

Happy Mother's Day.

The protecting power of peace.

I love remembering that the one emotion Satan can not duplicate is peace. Peace is directly associated to Christ. It's how we measure our use of His Atonement. It's how we slow down enough to recognize and cultivate the presence of the Holy Ghost, the member of the Godhead we are allowed to be in the presence of. Throughout this last year, but even more especially in just the last few months, I have come to understand His peace on a whole new level.

When I am obedient to His directive to focus on Him (not Bryce) it's almost like I am in a protective bubble. Shrouded by peace I am protected from the fiery darts of the adversary. I am not subject to the dramatic mood swings and erratic behavior that often fills Bryce's life. I am empowered to turn the other cheek more often, and serve Bryce quietly in ways I am not sure he even is aware of. I bear him no malice- regardless of his choices. Clark and I are strengthened in our relationship, creating a formidable team together.

Twice now I have felt the peace shatter, by my own actions, and it is devastating! However those painful lessons have taught me well. I learned to repent quickly. I choose peace!

Tonight as I was writing in my favorite Purple Journal. I absolutely love how many times I come to the end of an entry, and page, and the scripture printed at the bottom of the page becomes a second witness to the lessons I am learning and writing about. Tonight was no exception.

Isaiah 26:3
"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee: because He trusteth in thee." ( Or he trusteth in Thee ) A little poetic license, or personal revelation....but oh my goodness. As I keep my eyes fixed on Christ, He will continue to bless me with peace, even amid the storms!

As I sit here tonight the storm is blowing in fiercely. It is testing the mettle of all the new spring leaves, and flowers. It has already up-ended my hammock! And yet as I watch the 70 foot trees on my little corner of the universe, I marvel again at how their deep roots allow these magnificent trees to sway and bend...but not break! 
How deep are my spiritual roots? How far do I bend under the storms of life? Bend but not break! As the gentle rain falls, battered a little by the winds, the tulips close up for the night, protecting themselves in the storm. Slowly the winds die down and we all collectively breathe a sigh of relief. I can now hear the all-soothing sound of the rain on the tin roof outside my office. it makes me smile.

We have all survived another day. Tomorrow will look brighter in the sunshine. And for tonight, I will enjoy the scent of the rain and the earth washed clean again. I will turn my face to my Savior and bask in the protective blessing of peace. May His peace touch and bless your life too, as we each toil against the storms of life.

Toiling against the storm

We were in the car on the way home from Liam's game today when Tayden suddenly says, "Nanny, in a few years (he's 5) when we are teenagers will you still tell us we're cute?" I thought quickly, now that's a loaded question...I laughed and told him, that I would tell him he was awesome, that I loved him, and I'd still want to hug him...then I asked him, "Will you still hug me and give me kisses?" He smiled and nodded. #meltsmyheart It is so wonderful to see our world through his eyes from time to time. I also smiled because I also love that all my kids still hug and kiss me. There have been several times this week that Bryce has walked in to wherever I am and said, "I need a hug." And as I wrap my arms around all 6'5" of him I feel so blessed, and grateful that he is alive, and asking for hugs. 

This week it seems Bryce's level of happiness has increased daily. He is noticing the changes as he is consistently taking his Meds. I am still dumbfounded at the clarity of thought he displayed when he asked me to help him get to the Doctor so he could start taking his Meds again. Such an unexpected answer to prayer. I had a friend tell me just yesterday that she still puts our names on the Temple Prayer Roll regularly. I am not sure I can ever adequately describe how completely confident I am that without all the prayers offered in my behalf, I would not be standing today! Thank you seems so little for so much but it's all I've got. I pray someday I can bless someone's life as you have mine!

As we have come nearer to April 15th my emotions have been all over the place, as I contemplate coming to the one-year mark of Bryce's near-fatal suicide attempt. I have retraced those tumultuous days leading up to that fated conversation with him. I think of the things the Lord told me, how He guided me through those last few days. And now I reflect on some of the incredible experiences we have had these last twelve months. The pain and the countless miracles were all part of Heavenly Fathers Perfect Plan. I realized recently that had The Lord told me what Bryce was choosing to do...I know I would have done absolutely anything to prevent his attempt. And to what end...I know the statistics, he would try again, and the result may have gone the other way. That's not the point though. The point is The Lord had His own plan in place, and He knew His timing for Bryce to go Home wasn't that day, or the next or the next....

Recently I learned that when Nephi was commanded to return to Jerusalem and retrieve the plates from King Laban, he answered with complete confidence and faith in the Lord's ability to make this happen. Now here's the part of the story I had never realized before...Nephi wasn't told how to accomplish this seemingly-impossible task. Nephi wasn't told..."Oh and by the way you'll need to kill Laben first!" I can now see the wisdom in the Lord's plan, and realize we may have had a very different outcome to that story, had Nephi known everything before he returned to the Palace. Suddenly this parallel to my journey with Bryce took on a whole new perspective, and suddenly I knew why the Lord hadn't told me a year ago that April 15th would forever burn in my memory. He knew it. I didn't need to. It's as simple as that. Agency is a beautiful gift from an all-knowing, all-loving, all-seeing God.  

Another thought recently is when Christ walked across the water to his disciples, it was only after He had observed them "Toiling" against the storm. He watched them struggle. He didn't step in immediately and thwart the valuable lessons they were learning. He was growing Apostles! He knew what they would go through after He left them. Always the Master Teacher, He allowed them the space to learn and grow. Just like Bryce, and me, He knew the outcome, and what it required to accomplish it. My goodness what strength! 

Yet another Tender Mercy, I had applied multiple times to work the MCCM (Multi channel crew member) team at work, indeed I had been on the advisory team for JetBlue as we ventured into this new platform of communicating with our customers. I was disheartened repeatedly as I couldn't seem to make it all come together. Each time I turned it over to the Lord knowing His plan would be perfect. Then as this uncomfortable anniversary drew closer, I wasn't sure what to expect, or how I would feel. Then last week I received an email inviting me to train for this new opportunity, and my on-site training would be Monday 4/15 !! Suddenly I saw the beautiful wisdom in His plan for me. Not only would I be out of my normal environment, so preoccupied with training, but He saw to it that I would be surrounded by my work peeps, who knew all I had been through this last year. He is incredible! God is good.