In reflection...I have seen a pattern emerging...seemingly out of nowhere I am blind-sided and virtually paralyzed by the tiniest thing. I find my inner voice raging against the injustice of it all...why does it always have to be me that has to do everything...if one more thing goes wrong...I can't add one more thing to my life.....
Then the familiarity of these absolutes pulls me up short, and I marvel that I have been here before. Realization slowly seeps into my battered soul, I have been here before and I am still here now. Therefore nothing in the past has completely defeated me. Why is that...
What is it within that gives my soul resilience...strength to conquer again..power to move forward through the sludge and demands of an earthly existence....and then just like the sun rising over the mountain top...slowly sending light into the darkness...illuminating it's truth in a dazzling display of light and colorful majesty...I know.
I am not alone. I have strength beyond my own. I have the Savior! I have a loving Father in Heaven. I have also learned that my beloved ancestors whom I can't even remember are alive and well and not far from my reach. They are all anxious to love and support me in this very earthly journey too. They all have a deeply vested interest in my success in mortality. Those faithful ancestors also need me to do their sacred ordinances- and so succeed I must!
Years ago when Clark was commuting to California for work I was feeling very alone one day, and I remember a dear friend's response to my complaint. She said simply..."Maybe it's because you are trying to do this alone. You're shutting out the Lord's help by doing it all yourself." I have never completely forgotten it...maybe from time to time it dips into the deeper recesses of my mind when I am charging full-speed ahead trying to be the director, producer and actor of my own play....but it's always available to recall.
So when this pattern emerged again recently, I can always tell because a seemingly innocent request of my time puts me over the edge...so recently when my nemesis..Madame Overwhelmed showed up again, I did some soul-searching, and fasting I sought the Lord. His sweet assurances came as He taught me the critical nature of allowing myself to surrender my will to His. I feel overwhelmed because I am trying to control or manage my life instead of humbly seeking to do His will. "What would Thou have me to do?" This is my daily, even hourly plea...I find more peace when I am willing. Less resentments over little things that set me off.
The often expressed sentiment...He can make more out of my life than I can...I know that to be true!
My Patriarchal Blessing tells me I will have "...difficulties in this life and sorrow, but us we overcome these trial our faith in the Savior will increase." This living, changing relationship with the Savior is key to my daily happiness, peace and growth. When I truly surrender my will to His, my happiness, peace and growth are directly proportional and abundantly evident.
And so I seek to find favor with Him again, to do His will more consistently and to walk His path for me more faithfully- in every area of my life. I know my weaknesses are mine for a purpose and clearly I need them to remain humble, teachable and to progress towards my Heavenly Home. I must diligently keep moving towards that goal ahead that I may become more like Him. As I choose to do so I will know His peace and comfort and support. His angels (some are my ancestors) will surround me and bear me up, to do all that He requires of me....all I promised Him I would do.
So this morning as the Saturday sky begins to lighten fulfilling the age-old promise of a new day...I am filled with peace again. All is right with my world. Another day's journey is ahead and the addict in me reminds me gently...Just 24 hours! I can do it. The shadows of night are again defeated by mornings great glory and the sun begins her steady journey over the mountain and into the valley below....flooding everything with bright beautiful light in a true display of majesty and power.
To coin a phrase..."God is in His Heaven and all's right with the world." May you feel His love and power today!
