Angels among us...again.

I am more sensitive to hearing the Lord's requests, over and over in the scriptures, of the need for us to turn to Him. In all we do, seek Him. I wonder if I hadn't taken to heart this request, was it necessary to almost lose my son, in order for me to hear His plea, or follow it? Now I am sure many would emphatically disagree that the Lord would ever allow this on purpose...I am just pondering the possibility.

Today we sat with friends in church. And just as the meeting started Lynn was whispered into service for his calling, necessitating he leave his inside seat, climb over several of us to get out. Then as the Sacrament prayer began I heard someone sit down behind me, and felt their presence there. I had a fleeting thought, it must be Lynn and he didn't want to disturb us again. I glanced over my shoulder and was stunned to see the bench empty! 
Immediately I knew Bronson was there. I felt my heart race and my breath was gone. Only then did it occur to me to wonder why? Why was he here? I closed my eyes, to avoid any distractions, and felt my way into the experience of having my son close by.

As we were leaving for church today Bryce had come upstairs, and I invited him to come to church. He shook his head but said "I love you."  and then gave me one of his just-woken-up warm hugs. I trusted in the Lord, and gave Him my heartache in that moment and walked out. This experience ran through my mind, as I contemplated Bronson's visit today. I recalled a similar experience the day my brother Craig had died. I felt him sit down between Cassidy and I as the Sacrament Service began. Surprised, we had only been notified of his death a few hours earlier, I asked him "What are you doing here?" He answered, "I wanted to go to church today with family and you were the only one who went." After the Sacrament had been completed, Craig was gone. I found out later I had been the only one in Church that day. (Mum was nearly undone in her grief and couldn't face anyone that day.)

Then gently my answer came from Bronson, "I wanted you to know that I wanted to be in church with you today. You are loved and honored as a Mother in Zion." Tears filled my eyes and I thanked him & the Lord for such a tender blessing. I was reminded that although the veil may separate me from some of my children right now, the day would surely come when all of them would worship with me again. Silently Bronson slipped away, and I marveled at such a sacred, sweet  experience. I idly wondered how many other 'angels' were among us during that sacred part of our Sunday worship, on any given day.

Then our Sunday School lesson included the interaction between Christ and the rich young ruler. Clark and I had been studying it this week, and he recalled learning awhile ago that most often people pass over a very critical part of the story, when Christ looked upon this young man, "and loved him". It was a powerful reminder that regardless of our choices Christ loves us all. He will meet us wherever we are- and make us complete, if we let Him.
In this story Christ reviews several of The Ten Commandments, and the young man responded that he had been keeping those commandments his whole life, which was true, however when Christ issued His request to sell all he had and give to the poor, then take up His cross and follow Him, the young man couldn't do it. The general narrative of this is the young man loved his riches too much. I think it goes deeper than that.

I puzzled over this for days, finally I looked up the 10 commandments and knowing some were commandments about loving the Lord and the rest were about loving others, I reviewed the Savior's verbal list. Sure enough the rich young ruler had indeed kept all that applied to loving others, however he had missed the four about loving the Lord. His focus hadn't, and wouldn't be, on the Savior! I have to believe that the description given this young man was accurate: rich young ruler, he had focused his good life on everything to become rich at a young age, but not on the Savior! 

What tender mercies this day have been pored out on me. 
As I have focused on my Savior, He has indeed blessed me again, as He has promised.

Ahhhh Mothers Day

The gentle breeze causes the leaves to dance and filter the streaming sunshine into lovely little patches of light alive with movement. I marvel some days at the sheer simplicity of what brings me joy.

Today is Mothers Day. 

My family and friends have shared their Mother's Day celebrations in Australia and I am in humble awe at the rich heritage of strong women I descend from. 

I am eternally grateful for the blessing of my sweet Mother in my life. For she has been an unshakable tower of strength. She continues to set an amazing example of faithful endurance.Her Mother's heart has embraced every soul she has ever met. She is kindness personified. I am grateful to have her in my life. I remember at about 12 years old I finally got up the courage to ask her when she would tell a child they were adopted. I have no idea where that notion came by but I clearly remember the anxiety with which I proposed that question. She was ironing in the laundry room. 

Her answer was, "Well I guess when I thought they could handle it."

 

I came away devastated, not only did the question of my adoption not have an answer...apparently I was not old enough to handle the truth!

As I continued to grow up it became very evident physically that I was indeed not adopted. She may be short where I am tall...but those eyes! Well needless to say those eyes have been passed to two more generations, and with Danielle's recent bombshell surprise of her pregnancy, maybe we'll have another child with Grand-Nanny's blue eyes too!

And also my maternal Grandmother, Nanny, and my other-mother-Aunty Yvonne. 

These three women of faith and strength chartered new waters in our family line, accepting the gospel of Jesus Christ. As I have grown up following their gospel example I have seen their deep well of faith, strength under incredible pain and heartache, form them into beautiful daughters of God. Their unwavering faith has strengthened me in my times of trial. Their love has lifted me out of the depths of despair. Their laughter has brightened my days.

A Mother is one who loves without restraint. The very act of mothering is often a hallmark of one who cares more for others, than in that moment, she cares for herself. It doesn't always mean a biological bridge, shared similar cells. Mothering is one who nurtures another, one who loves another, one who serves another.

I have often seen the heartache, the nearly all-consuming desire to be a Mother. And often the role of Mother comes most unexpectedly. Children whose desire to be part of a family agree to almost any condition while on the other side of the veil, to come to earth. Some of those children are blessed with incredible Mothers, whose desire vastly outweighs their ability to give physical birth. And so those Mothers give so unselfishly to love, nurture and teach these little souls. 

Yesterday my sweet friend Lori had to unexpectedly bury her Mother. My heart ached as I witnessed the great love and sacrifice this event caused her. When I got to meet her new little grandson, and I immediately saw Lori's eyes looking up at me. The words tumbled out of my mouth instinctively, "Oh my goodness he has Lori's eyes!" Then as the unplanned words registered in my brain I said, "Oh that's not really a possibility is it?" I knew Lori had adopted each of her sons, so biologically the bluest eyes hadn't physically been sent down the gene pool to this darling boy, but it got me to thinking. And I still wonder today, when we reach the other side of the veil, when everything will be remembered and revealed, how closely are we all connected, regardless of our physical birth process? It's a thought I will continue to ponder. But in the visual connection I witnessed moments later as Lori held and lovingly kissed that little grandson, I marveled that  I had completely forgotten she hadn't given birth to those boys. She had indeed Mothered them in every sense of the word. Even caring 'til death one of them who was called Home early. 

I have many loved ones and friends around me who have had their children (and grandchildren too) arrive into their loving arms not the conventional way. I think of one niece who adopted and is raising her sisters twins. Of another who is raising her recently deceased brother-in-law's son. Even my own children, have opened their lives and hearts to love unconditionally their step-children. So many doing so much, under the sacred shield of Motherhood. Someone said once to me, "You are amazing. You love your step-grandchildren as much as you do your biological ones." I was a bit shocked at the comment, and responded "Well they are my grandchildren!"

May we each cast aside the self-recrimination, the unkind judgement, the feelings of being less-than, the comparison to others that are tools of Satan, designed to make us forget who we really are.

And so on this beautiful Mother's Day I bow my head, and lift my voice, in honor of Mothers everywhere. We all have shared the same feelings- hope, love, loss, inadequacy, loneliness, anxious waiting, and painful partings. In any, all, and every form we should praise and respect every woman we know. For in every heart we women are all Mothers, regardless of what we think we see in others. Let's love and embrace every woman as the crowning creation of a loving Father and Mother in Heaven. For that is truly who we all are.

Happy Mother's Day.