Five more sleeps til General Conference! I honestly don't recall a time before where this wonderful event has held such anticipation, excitement or personal preparation. We have all been forced into a dramatic 'reset' of our lives as we shelter & stay safe, stay home, world-wide because of COVID-19. Yet six months ago when General came to a close Pres Nelson, our Prophet, called each of us to prepare ourselves. We all thought it was for the next conference, now perhaps we have a slightly different perspective. Many took his counsel to heart, many got very creative in ways to prepare. And ultimately the preparation, if we took the challenge, has indeed prepared us for far more than we had expected. And now we are all anxiously, and excitedly counting down the days til we can hear our beloved Prophet's voice. A calm, loving voice in a world of more chaos than the majority of us have ever been surrounded by.
As I read Jarom's words in the Book of Mormon, likening his words unto me. He said, "...our leaders were mighty men (and women) in the faith of the Lord." Jarom 1:7 he goes on to say, "..And thus being prepared to meet the Lamanites, they did not prosper against us...." Jarom 1:9. Because they had been prepared, the enemy didn't get the upper hand. The enemy didn't go away, they didn't lesson their attacks and strategy against the faithful few, but they did not overtake these faithful few. Because of the Lord-led preparation.
It doesn't matter that we may have stumbled in our preparation, it doesn't matter that our world has been thrown into fear, worry and chaos, the likes of which few could ever have imagined. It doesn't matter that evil meets us every day, it doesn't matter that we are each in isolation. Our enemy will not prosper against us! The struggles around us in the world, will not defeat us. Our promises are sure, we have "...leaders who are mighty in the faith of the Lord...." And with this slow-down, this reset, this preparation, we are each ready, willing and eager to hear the words of the Lord in just 5 more sleeps here in America.
Woven in the words of these mighty leaders we will feel their love, we will feel their calm assurances, we will take to heart their counsel, and ultimately come closer to Christ. It may take some skittles for conference bingo, it may take some home-made cinnamon rolls, it may involve note-taking as the Spirit speaks privately to us, it may take quiet, reverent reflections. However above all else, we have been given such an incredible gift to quiet the noise of the world and the adversary, to anticipate and enjoy this semi-annual event in a way we may never have before. Maybe this latter-day plague called COVID-19 is truly blessing in disguise...of epic, Biblical proportions. Maybe with all the quiet around us, we can hear from these mighty leaders in an unprecedented manner. Maybe what they will share with us, needs to be heard clearly, without dilution, without distraction, with a heart prepared and open.
May we each make the final preparations that will allow the Spirit to fill our homes and hearts as we listen to the saving word of God through his Prophets and leaders, mighty in their faith of the Lord. Enjoy!
Monday, March 30, 2020
Wednesday, March 25, 2020
Called to go somewhere...
My heart has been heavy these last few days, as world events have dictated the early return or reassignment of so many missionaries, often creating an unimaginable end to their service. I also ache for friends who are serving as mission Presidents & Companions, whose heartbreak is unprecedented in our Church's history as they seek to protect their missionaries-and watch them leave, often all at once! It is always a bittersweet experience, coming home. However these unique world-wide circumstances may create a deeper level of the bitter portion of that bittersweet.
I remember not long after Clark and I were married we suddenly began to see some unprecedented blessings pouring into our lives. We pondered these remarkable blessings and were given to know that these blessings were coming to us as a direct result of the choices those we had taught and loved into the Gospel of Jesus Christ were making in righteousness. Left over missionary blessings. Returned missionary blessings. I came to know on a far deeper level that God and Jesus Christ never forgot their missionaries, not ever!
Years ago i had the privelage of teaching early-morning seminary with Elder Rasband's sister Nancy in California. She taught me an eternal principal I have never forgotten. We as servants of the Lord Jesus Christ often have our "assignments" changed here in our lives. We accept callings, and releases as the Lord sees fit. However there are times when we struggle with those releases. She taught me that seeking the Lord's confirmation is equally important with a release as it is for a beginning. There are countless examples in our scriptures where individuals sought to know that their offering had been accepted.
One of my favorites is Doctrine & Covenants 105:19 "I have heard their prayers, and will accept their offering; and it is expedient in me that they should be brought thus far for a trial of their faith." Now no one wants to willingly accept a trial of their faith, however as we can all testify those very trials often bring the sweetest of God's blessings, and growth is often unattainable in any other way. We can each know our offering, whatever it was, is accepted by the Lord. Now we can teach this principal to these returned missionaries. Teach them to seek to know that the Lord has accepted their offering, through fervent prayer. This sweet assurance will come, and they will know of the great love the Lord has for His missionaries, as they press forward faithfully on His Covenant Path.
I see no coincidence that this early release will likely be completed prior to our General Conference! God's Perfect Plan is working! And I know the Lord's anointed Prophet and Apostles will lead by example in welcoming this Royal Army home!
And so as these missionaries, this living breathing army of God, begin to slip quietly back into our lives, I believe we each can be instruments in the Lord's hands in wrapping them in our love, as they struggle with the reality of an early release. Through no fault of their own they have been removed from their missions with absolutely no warning. Some will be leaving people they have loved with their whole hearts, some will be leaving before the very goal of baptism was just within their reach. Some will struggle knowing how beautifully simple their life had become, get up, share the gospel, go to bed. Repeat. Each has looked forward to bearing a fervent testimony to those who have loved and supported their efforts from home. Now they can't even walk through those chapel doors, they are locked and dark. Some will be reassigned to other missions while they harbor undeniable love for the mission, missionaries, members and Presidents & Companions they have been torn from. And without warning, be pressed into a whole other mission experience, often even in a different language!
Even with the social distancing we are currently doing, there are ways for us to reach out and support them at this time of great upheaval. There are many resources on the Church website available to help us, and them, understand some of these tender feelings we are all having. Ask them to share their mission experiences. Ask them to bear their testimonies often. Maybe they can record a video of their experiences and share it through social media, on ward FB pages so others can still be blessed by it and them. Ask them to share the good and the hard. Listen with love. Being in isolation right now is so very foreign to everything they have been doing. It's weird enough to be without a companion 24/7 initially, but to be in isolation will be yet another layer to their struggle and adjustment to life after the Mission. Interact with them, love them, flood them with assurances. Satan still desires to have them, don't let him anywhere near them while they are vulnerable.
Remember the ice-bucket challenge that ran rampart on social media for awhile? Didn't we watch repeatedly for the shock and reaction on their faces as that ice-cold water hit them from behind? Well this Royal Army has just been doused with that ice-cold water metaphorically speaking of course. They will be a bit shell-shocked for a minute. Be patient with them please.
I want to close with a quote from our beloved President Thomas S. Monson "Now a word for those elders, sisters, and couples who, for whatever reason, may not be able to finish their assigned time in the mission field: The Lord loves you. He appreciates your sacrifice. He is aware of your disappointment, Know that He still has a work for you to do. Don't let Satan tell you otherwise. Don't get down; don't become discouraged; don't despair. As I observed in General Conference shortly after I was called to lead the Church; 'Fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith.' That promise still holds true for you. So don't lose your faith, because the Lord has not lost faith in you. Keep your covenants and move forward." "Called to the work" Ensign June 2017.
Our Savior appreciated the righteous service we gave as missionaries, no matter how long we served. "God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love, which you have shewed toward his name." Hebrews 6:10.
We sometimes cannot control what happens to us, but we can always control how we react to it. Go forth showing an increase of love to all.
God is good, and his Perfect Plan for each of us is unfolding rapidly. Rest, eat your vitamins and run together to the finish line where we will each enfolded in His loving arms.
I remember not long after Clark and I were married we suddenly began to see some unprecedented blessings pouring into our lives. We pondered these remarkable blessings and were given to know that these blessings were coming to us as a direct result of the choices those we had taught and loved into the Gospel of Jesus Christ were making in righteousness. Left over missionary blessings. Returned missionary blessings. I came to know on a far deeper level that God and Jesus Christ never forgot their missionaries, not ever!
Years ago i had the privelage of teaching early-morning seminary with Elder Rasband's sister Nancy in California. She taught me an eternal principal I have never forgotten. We as servants of the Lord Jesus Christ often have our "assignments" changed here in our lives. We accept callings, and releases as the Lord sees fit. However there are times when we struggle with those releases. She taught me that seeking the Lord's confirmation is equally important with a release as it is for a beginning. There are countless examples in our scriptures where individuals sought to know that their offering had been accepted.
One of my favorites is Doctrine & Covenants 105:19 "I have heard their prayers, and will accept their offering; and it is expedient in me that they should be brought thus far for a trial of their faith." Now no one wants to willingly accept a trial of their faith, however as we can all testify those very trials often bring the sweetest of God's blessings, and growth is often unattainable in any other way. We can each know our offering, whatever it was, is accepted by the Lord. Now we can teach this principal to these returned missionaries. Teach them to seek to know that the Lord has accepted their offering, through fervent prayer. This sweet assurance will come, and they will know of the great love the Lord has for His missionaries, as they press forward faithfully on His Covenant Path.
I see no coincidence that this early release will likely be completed prior to our General Conference! God's Perfect Plan is working! And I know the Lord's anointed Prophet and Apostles will lead by example in welcoming this Royal Army home!
And so as these missionaries, this living breathing army of God, begin to slip quietly back into our lives, I believe we each can be instruments in the Lord's hands in wrapping them in our love, as they struggle with the reality of an early release. Through no fault of their own they have been removed from their missions with absolutely no warning. Some will be leaving people they have loved with their whole hearts, some will be leaving before the very goal of baptism was just within their reach. Some will struggle knowing how beautifully simple their life had become, get up, share the gospel, go to bed. Repeat. Each has looked forward to bearing a fervent testimony to those who have loved and supported their efforts from home. Now they can't even walk through those chapel doors, they are locked and dark. Some will be reassigned to other missions while they harbor undeniable love for the mission, missionaries, members and Presidents & Companions they have been torn from. And without warning, be pressed into a whole other mission experience, often even in a different language!
Even with the social distancing we are currently doing, there are ways for us to reach out and support them at this time of great upheaval. There are many resources on the Church website available to help us, and them, understand some of these tender feelings we are all having. Ask them to share their mission experiences. Ask them to bear their testimonies often. Maybe they can record a video of their experiences and share it through social media, on ward FB pages so others can still be blessed by it and them. Ask them to share the good and the hard. Listen with love. Being in isolation right now is so very foreign to everything they have been doing. It's weird enough to be without a companion 24/7 initially, but to be in isolation will be yet another layer to their struggle and adjustment to life after the Mission. Interact with them, love them, flood them with assurances. Satan still desires to have them, don't let him anywhere near them while they are vulnerable.
Remember the ice-bucket challenge that ran rampart on social media for awhile? Didn't we watch repeatedly for the shock and reaction on their faces as that ice-cold water hit them from behind? Well this Royal Army has just been doused with that ice-cold water metaphorically speaking of course. They will be a bit shell-shocked for a minute. Be patient with them please.
I want to close with a quote from our beloved President Thomas S. Monson "Now a word for those elders, sisters, and couples who, for whatever reason, may not be able to finish their assigned time in the mission field: The Lord loves you. He appreciates your sacrifice. He is aware of your disappointment, Know that He still has a work for you to do. Don't let Satan tell you otherwise. Don't get down; don't become discouraged; don't despair. As I observed in General Conference shortly after I was called to lead the Church; 'Fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith.' That promise still holds true for you. So don't lose your faith, because the Lord has not lost faith in you. Keep your covenants and move forward." "Called to the work" Ensign June 2017.
Our Savior appreciated the righteous service we gave as missionaries, no matter how long we served. "God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love, which you have shewed toward his name." Hebrews 6:10.
We sometimes cannot control what happens to us, but we can always control how we react to it. Go forth showing an increase of love to all.
God is good, and his Perfect Plan for each of us is unfolding rapidly. Rest, eat your vitamins and run together to the finish line where we will each enfolded in His loving arms.
Sunday, March 22, 2020
"I need to cancel my flight..."
" I need to cancel my flight..." I quickly came to recognize the fear, anxiety and unease woven tightly into those words. I work from home providing customer support for JetBlue. I have just completed 13 consecutive days of work, with mandatory overtime as we have worked our way through thousands of distraught callers in these darkening days. I personally logged an exhausting 60 hour week. Not only is it physically taxing, but emotionally as well. I have assisted those with canceled wedding plans, which I know can be rescheduled, but the ones who have had to miss funerals were probably among some of the most heart-wrenching. The cycle of life goes on. Clark's sweet Aunt Marcia left this world for the next one, and watching her family bravely hold on to her memories, and figuring out how to forgo their planned celebration of her life, in the midst of their shattering grief, has been hard but admirable.
I have spoken to those who have tested positive for the virus, but who have no idea how they contracted it....likely from the gas station one thought...to others who have been banned from visiting their precious grandchildren because they had to pass through two airports to get to them, and their children told them not to come. Single Mothers who have put their children through college and will now forfeit that glorious moment of seeing them graduate. Sons and daughters who have elderly parents, and "..what if this continues and they get sick without me there?" Then the Americans who were stranded in foreign countries who had locked down their borders before the Americans could get home. I could hear the fear, I wept silently with those who cried, I also delighted in the transactions where we could get someone back home to be with their family, where flights worked out, and where JetBlue had empowered me to go above and beyond in tailoring a success story for some. At the peak of the trials I noted we had 2900 customers waiting on hold. Waiting over an hour sometimes, although they assured me the cruise lines were 3 1/2 hours hold, and Delta was 6 hours! They repeatedly said how much they loved JetBlue and how kind the agents always were. They apologized for other customers who were nasty or yelling, I assured them we were all ok (even though there were times when that was stretching the truth a bit...) I repeated many times we have the best customers in all the world!
And amidst all this chaos and fear and turmoil, and sometimes anger driven by terror, then one morning began with a 5.7 earthquake. With all that JetBlue was dealing with, they stopped everything to initiate our internal emergency response plan and contacted every single employee here in Utah. We each were required to answer:
1) I am alright
2) I need assistance
Shortly thereafter the well-wishes and prayers for us began to pour in from our Orlando Customer Support team, offering to pick up our shifts for those who had lost power or needed to be with their children and families. I was in awe again at the ability for our JetBlue family to help us feel we matter to them, that our welfare as the backbone of this company was their priority.
And then this week was the disappointing news that Covenant Communications decided not to publish my book. Quietly that contributed to this pretty rough week. I will continue to pursue other options as the Lord directs. It has been hard to say those words out loud, however His will always prevails, and I am on His errand, and I find peace knowing He knows.
So as I have now reflected on all that has transpired within these last 13 days, I can see the loving hand of the Lord gently holding my bruised and battered soul. Lifting me with His love and support. Recognizing the gifts around me of kind words, hugs from family, Clark picking up the slack in our home while I spent hours assisting others all over the world. Watching my daffodils bloom, brightening their little patch of the world here. And hearing the birds twitter as they rushed to find food for their newborn babies. I see gifts of having my schedule lightened because of all the medical issues I have been dealing with, which then allowed me to pick up my mandatory overtime. I am grateful all my doctor visits and tests were over before the 'shelter in place' order came. I am grateful for Darling Declan and the hours of pure joy I was able to experience as we spent many hours together. I am so impressed with my children as each of them have gathered their little families in and kept each other safe.
But this morning as I felt my anxiety creep in as the reality of this situation begins to unfold on a global scale, Australia has closed it's borders for 6 months...Qantas has had to lay off 20,000 workers...I recognized my anxiety beginning to escalate, and so I reached for the Savior. Knowing He knows all, knowing I love and trust Him, knowing He has provided a Prophet-Doctor to lead and guide all the world who will listen to him. My heart began to feel His peace. I listened to one newscaster with my jaw dropping last week when he said, "We all need to get plenty of rest, take our vitamins and eat healthy..." Hmmm I think I have heard that before....oh yeah President Nelson told us that a year ago!
And so with my anxiety slowly receding, my faith and peace gently increasing, I know to whom I will look for strength. I glory in my God. I glory in my Jesus. I am grateful for my Prophet. I am so excited for our General Conference in 13 sleeps!
I pray for each of us be safe, that we will be kind to others, that we will be on our knees that we may each see the Lord's Tender Mercies that abound. Spread goodness and light to all around us, and know to whom we can turn for peace.
I have spoken to those who have tested positive for the virus, but who have no idea how they contracted it....likely from the gas station one thought...to others who have been banned from visiting their precious grandchildren because they had to pass through two airports to get to them, and their children told them not to come. Single Mothers who have put their children through college and will now forfeit that glorious moment of seeing them graduate. Sons and daughters who have elderly parents, and "..what if this continues and they get sick without me there?" Then the Americans who were stranded in foreign countries who had locked down their borders before the Americans could get home. I could hear the fear, I wept silently with those who cried, I also delighted in the transactions where we could get someone back home to be with their family, where flights worked out, and where JetBlue had empowered me to go above and beyond in tailoring a success story for some. At the peak of the trials I noted we had 2900 customers waiting on hold. Waiting over an hour sometimes, although they assured me the cruise lines were 3 1/2 hours hold, and Delta was 6 hours! They repeatedly said how much they loved JetBlue and how kind the agents always were. They apologized for other customers who were nasty or yelling, I assured them we were all ok (even though there were times when that was stretching the truth a bit...) I repeated many times we have the best customers in all the world!
And amidst all this chaos and fear and turmoil, and sometimes anger driven by terror, then one morning began with a 5.7 earthquake. With all that JetBlue was dealing with, they stopped everything to initiate our internal emergency response plan and contacted every single employee here in Utah. We each were required to answer:
1) I am alright
2) I need assistance
Shortly thereafter the well-wishes and prayers for us began to pour in from our Orlando Customer Support team, offering to pick up our shifts for those who had lost power or needed to be with their children and families. I was in awe again at the ability for our JetBlue family to help us feel we matter to them, that our welfare as the backbone of this company was their priority.
And then this week was the disappointing news that Covenant Communications decided not to publish my book. Quietly that contributed to this pretty rough week. I will continue to pursue other options as the Lord directs. It has been hard to say those words out loud, however His will always prevails, and I am on His errand, and I find peace knowing He knows.
So as I have now reflected on all that has transpired within these last 13 days, I can see the loving hand of the Lord gently holding my bruised and battered soul. Lifting me with His love and support. Recognizing the gifts around me of kind words, hugs from family, Clark picking up the slack in our home while I spent hours assisting others all over the world. Watching my daffodils bloom, brightening their little patch of the world here. And hearing the birds twitter as they rushed to find food for their newborn babies. I see gifts of having my schedule lightened because of all the medical issues I have been dealing with, which then allowed me to pick up my mandatory overtime. I am grateful all my doctor visits and tests were over before the 'shelter in place' order came. I am grateful for Darling Declan and the hours of pure joy I was able to experience as we spent many hours together. I am so impressed with my children as each of them have gathered their little families in and kept each other safe.
But this morning as I felt my anxiety creep in as the reality of this situation begins to unfold on a global scale, Australia has closed it's borders for 6 months...Qantas has had to lay off 20,000 workers...I recognized my anxiety beginning to escalate, and so I reached for the Savior. Knowing He knows all, knowing I love and trust Him, knowing He has provided a Prophet-Doctor to lead and guide all the world who will listen to him. My heart began to feel His peace. I listened to one newscaster with my jaw dropping last week when he said, "We all need to get plenty of rest, take our vitamins and eat healthy..." Hmmm I think I have heard that before....oh yeah President Nelson told us that a year ago!
And so with my anxiety slowly receding, my faith and peace gently increasing, I know to whom I will look for strength. I glory in my God. I glory in my Jesus. I am grateful for my Prophet. I am so excited for our General Conference in 13 sleeps!
I pray for each of us be safe, that we will be kind to others, that we will be on our knees that we may each see the Lord's Tender Mercies that abound. Spread goodness and light to all around us, and know to whom we can turn for peace.
Monday, March 9, 2020
Faith and great anxiety.
The early morning darkness shrouds my world, yet I am beckoned to write. I began reading my scriptures, and one verse was already highlighted and it caught my eye, 2 Nephi 32:9
"But behold I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that He will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul." I had reached for my journal, and felt the impression to blog instead.
Jacob then says "For because of faith & great anxiety..." It has been exactly that these last 6 weeks for me. Wading through some truly terrifying physical experiences, yet not finding answers. Great anxiety? Absolutely! Yet throughout it all my constant prayer has been..."Please Father help us find the right person who will give us answers." And along side that great anxiety- I have felt peace. Patiently working through each of these medical challenges, unsure of the outcome, but feeling the peace only Christ can bring, in my aching heart. Today I see the 10th Doctor, all who are baffled, 4 ER visits, one ambulance ride, 2 brain MRI's, 3 CT scans, countless EKG's, EEG, Ultrasounds, blood draws, poked, prodded, and questioned. While the Chiropractor seems to have had the most positive impact, I was still in the ER Friday with blood pressure 200/97 !! Then yesterday I was reading the report from Fridays CT scan and three little words that were in bold print caught my attention. Degenerative Disc Disease...C5-6 & C6-7. I looked at it, stunned. I knew I had DDD because of 5 bulging discs in my lower back, but no one had ever identified it in my neck. Realization flooded into my mind, with the ever-present peace, this was likely the cause for all my anxiety. And now I can see my clearly-defined journey, with it's many twists and turns, all becoming the answer to my very specific prayer, of getting to the right individuals who could solve my issues.
I knew with perfect clarity that I was in the Lord's gentle hands all along. The many prayers and good wishes of loved ones and friends certainly were tangible and deeply appreciated. God is good. Miracles were expected, and have been received.
So back to Jacob and his expression of faith and great anxiety. My journal entry of February 17th 2016 reads, "I had never seen those two words combined before, yet how true it is. Often those with faith are facing trials that cause great anxiety, and if Nephi & Jacob, prophets of the Lord, can feel that, then I am ok. But so often when our anxiety becomes great we instead doubt our faith. These two-faith and great anxiety- can co-exist unlike faith and fear." Then the entry continues, "Yesterday we buried beautiful little Ella Ranson, 20 months old and called home.Monday night I had gone with Claire Brown to her viewing.This was the first time seeing Sarah & Daniel Ranson. I told Sarah there are no words, only prayers. She said she had truly felt them. They were both filled with such grace and dignity and I know they were being borne up on wings of Angels. Then I stepped to the little white casket and Ella looked for all the world as though she was just sleeping. I was stunned at the cocoon of spirit-filled peace that seemed to surround the three of them. I've seen my share of bodies after their spirit has left them, but I've never experienced anything like this before. I couldn't drag myself away because I was convinced at any moment those big brown eyes of hers would pop open and we'd all be released from this painful nightmare.
So many others expressed this exact sentiment as they respectfully came to sustain the Ranson family. Great faith and great anxiety, but being borne up on the wings of grace from a loving Savior, who was enabling them, whilst knowing that Father had called Ella home because she had completed all that was required of her during her too-short stay in mortality."
This particular journal has a scripture at the bottom of each page, and I am constantly stunned how they relate to my writings.
The first one is Alma 38:5 "...as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day."
And then Galations 6:2 "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."
Well this is not what I thought I would be blogging about this morning. But trusting my heart to the Lord, here it is. Someone must need this today also. Faith and great anxiety, trusting in the Grace of God, allowing Him to guide, lift and consecrate my actions. It is truly miraculous as I stand back and watch with perfect faith in Him as He continues to direct His work on the earth. I am grateful to see His hand in the minutest details of my life. May I remember this day to allow Him to be Master of my Soul.
"But behold I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that He will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul." I had reached for my journal, and felt the impression to blog instead.
Jacob then says "For because of faith & great anxiety..." It has been exactly that these last 6 weeks for me. Wading through some truly terrifying physical experiences, yet not finding answers. Great anxiety? Absolutely! Yet throughout it all my constant prayer has been..."Please Father help us find the right person who will give us answers." And along side that great anxiety- I have felt peace. Patiently working through each of these medical challenges, unsure of the outcome, but feeling the peace only Christ can bring, in my aching heart. Today I see the 10th Doctor, all who are baffled, 4 ER visits, one ambulance ride, 2 brain MRI's, 3 CT scans, countless EKG's, EEG, Ultrasounds, blood draws, poked, prodded, and questioned. While the Chiropractor seems to have had the most positive impact, I was still in the ER Friday with blood pressure 200/97 !! Then yesterday I was reading the report from Fridays CT scan and three little words that were in bold print caught my attention. Degenerative Disc Disease...C5-6 & C6-7. I looked at it, stunned. I knew I had DDD because of 5 bulging discs in my lower back, but no one had ever identified it in my neck. Realization flooded into my mind, with the ever-present peace, this was likely the cause for all my anxiety. And now I can see my clearly-defined journey, with it's many twists and turns, all becoming the answer to my very specific prayer, of getting to the right individuals who could solve my issues.
I knew with perfect clarity that I was in the Lord's gentle hands all along. The many prayers and good wishes of loved ones and friends certainly were tangible and deeply appreciated. God is good. Miracles were expected, and have been received.
So back to Jacob and his expression of faith and great anxiety. My journal entry of February 17th 2016 reads, "I had never seen those two words combined before, yet how true it is. Often those with faith are facing trials that cause great anxiety, and if Nephi & Jacob, prophets of the Lord, can feel that, then I am ok. But so often when our anxiety becomes great we instead doubt our faith. These two-faith and great anxiety- can co-exist unlike faith and fear." Then the entry continues, "Yesterday we buried beautiful little Ella Ranson, 20 months old and called home.Monday night I had gone with Claire Brown to her viewing.This was the first time seeing Sarah & Daniel Ranson. I told Sarah there are no words, only prayers. She said she had truly felt them. They were both filled with such grace and dignity and I know they were being borne up on wings of Angels. Then I stepped to the little white casket and Ella looked for all the world as though she was just sleeping. I was stunned at the cocoon of spirit-filled peace that seemed to surround the three of them. I've seen my share of bodies after their spirit has left them, but I've never experienced anything like this before. I couldn't drag myself away because I was convinced at any moment those big brown eyes of hers would pop open and we'd all be released from this painful nightmare.
So many others expressed this exact sentiment as they respectfully came to sustain the Ranson family. Great faith and great anxiety, but being borne up on the wings of grace from a loving Savior, who was enabling them, whilst knowing that Father had called Ella home because she had completed all that was required of her during her too-short stay in mortality."
This particular journal has a scripture at the bottom of each page, and I am constantly stunned how they relate to my writings.
The first one is Alma 38:5 "...as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day."
And then Galations 6:2 "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."
Well this is not what I thought I would be blogging about this morning. But trusting my heart to the Lord, here it is. Someone must need this today also. Faith and great anxiety, trusting in the Grace of God, allowing Him to guide, lift and consecrate my actions. It is truly miraculous as I stand back and watch with perfect faith in Him as He continues to direct His work on the earth. I am grateful to see His hand in the minutest details of my life. May I remember this day to allow Him to be Master of my Soul.
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