His stillness after the storm.

This morning I dropped to my knees feeling the need to have Heaven's help as today I was to take the assessments at Jetblue that were required before I can return to work. After being on a medical leave for 7 months, the closer this day came, the more my anxiety went up. So much had changed with my job since I had been gone. And while some part of my brain knew I would be fine, there was another part that was tirelessly taunting me with these changes, and had started me second-guessing myself.

I began my prayer and no sooner were the words forming in my head, than I suddenly found myself in awe of the lack of anxiety. There was an almost eerie silence, stunned at what I was experiencing, I couldn't even continue to pray. I stayed very still. I wasn't imagining this abrupt change. There was just nothing I felt stressed about. I completed my prayer and slowly got to my feet. I quietly gathered my things, offering another quick request, if there's anything I will need, that I haven't set out, please tell me before I leave the house. Silence.
No anxiety. No racing thoughts. Just gentle quietness. I started down the stairs to the garage, and I thought to myself, "Well it's just me and what's in my head and my heart then." 

As I began to drive up to the center in Salt Lake City, I began to think, I wonder if this is what it will be like when I die, and cross over through the veil. I can't take anything with me, except what is in my head and my heart. I won't have my scriptures all marked up for easier recall, I won't have my journals to look back on, I won't have my scrapbooks, or social media reserves of family & friends photos documenting all the delightful experiences of my mortal life. All I get to take is my learning in my head, and the testimony & love in my heart. 

Have I allowed the Lord to write His love in my heart? Have I learned all that I had opportunity to learn, both secular and spiritual? Has my heart been changed by the love I have for others, including my family? What was I going to take home to Father & Mother, when I leave this frail existence? It was a sobering thought, to say the least. Am I becoming all They intended for me to become?

In my Stake calling I have begun to memorize the new Young Women Theme.

                     I am a beloved daughter of Heavenly parents
                     with a divine nature and eternal destiny.

                    As a disciple of Jesus Christ 
                    I strive to become like Him.
              I seek and act upon personal revelation
                 and serve others in His holy name.    

This is as far as I have gotten up until today. Those are some powerful truths and responsibilities! As I continue to see the young women of our stake stand taller to accept these sacred promises, I am amazed at their strength and willingness to be obedient, and follow the Prophet! What an inspiration and example they are to me! 

As I attempt to internalize these gifts I am so grateful for all I am learning, and feeling.
I am coming closer to Christ as I study His words in the Book of Mormon. I used to joke that someone must have edited that wonderful book, because it seemed every time I read it again, I found new truths! Well if I thought editing had happened before...NOW it's like instead of the equivalent of a candle's limited light shining on my text, this year it's like a football field's worth of lights is flooding every page! I love it!  God is good!

Yes God is good, and He supported me through to success with my assessments today! 
And now as this day comes to a close, I will kneel again, this time to thank Him for answering the prayers of my family and myself. And then I will record the witness of His hand in my life today. He is indeed so good. 

Aussie Fires

My beloved homeland Australia is burning in the deadliest bush fires the country has ever known, and the official fire season has only just begun.  

Australia today is ground zero for the climate catastrophe. It's glorious Great Barrier Reef is dying, rain forests are burning, kelp forests have largely vanished, numerous towns have run out of water, or are about to, and now the vast continent (roughly the same geographical size as North America) is burning on a scale never before seen. The fires have already burned upwards of 14.5 million acres. Some scientists estimate that close to half a billion native animals have been killed and the real possibility exists that some species of animals and plants may have been wiped out completely. At last known count 23 people have died, 1500 homes lost and 2500 buildings destroyed, but with fires reaching to the oceans and cutting off roads and highways, many are unaccounted for. Some regions of the country have recorded air quality measurements 20 times above the hazardous level!

And here I sit with snow as far as the eye can see. I am sure many others share my sense of helplessness as we watch and wait. I am grateful my friends and family are safe, as are all the missionaries serving there, for now.

But as I pondered what if anything I could do, this quote came to mind.

“Sometimes when we see or hear of a need, there is nothing we can do to help. Sometimes the only thing we can do is pray. But never underestimate the power of the prayers of the righteous.” Merilee Boyack

I would add, righteous or not-as-righteous, God hears each of our prayers. So please join with us in praying for a miracle. It is after all the only thing we can do from here. The Pacific Area Presidency announced a National January Fast, and I'd like to invite those who choose to, please remember Australia in your prayers and fasting this weekend especially.

So many of you have reached out telling me how heartbreaking this situation is and how much you too love Australia, from visits and family, we're all connected world-wide. Thank you all, may we each see the miracles God is doing daily in our lives, and may we all keep praying for the others we hold dear in our hearts.