Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Hawaiian Magic

As dawn slowly steals across the early morning Hawaiian  sky, my body-clock has already switched on to Hawaiian time. Craving an Hawaiian sunrise, I slowly come awake. Remembering there is absolutely no agenda whilst I’m here, I smile. Snuggling into Clark, we whisper sleepy thoughts about our time here so far. Agreeing we feel peace seeping into our souls. Our Idahoan-Kuaui friend Garry said when he knew we had landed in Oahu...”I hope that Hawaii works its magic healing powers. Enjoy!” He knew how desperate we were to have peace , and yes some time to heal.

Amongst some of our longest, sweetest friends, Lisa & Greg Winterton, and in some of God’s most beautiful natural settings, His cherished peace steals slowly into my heart-rejuvenating  me to my very soul. Oh the sweetness of His peace! Oh the majesty of His plan for me! My heart fills with gratitude as I breathe in the warm moist air, beckoned by the silence outside, I slip outside and the gentle island breeze ruffles my sleep-tousled hair, and caresses my cheek. Oh it’s good to be alive in this beautiful world He’s given me.

With my 60th Birthday looming...somewhat dauntingly, on my horizon I had decided to help me wrap my head around this major milestone of mortality- we would go home to Australia and with dear friends Trevor and Chris Jones, we’d celebrate on the Great Barrier Reef! We talked and planned and then suddenly six months ago our personal universe turned upside down as we began to live through those horrific hours after Bryce’s suicide attempt. To say our lives were not our own these last few months would be a gross understatement. So our big plans for this week were shelved permanently. Surviving day to day consumed us, as many of you know. Recently Clark suggested we celebrate in Hawaii. It sounded wonderful. The Islands beckoned me, whispering of peace and stillness. Of unmatched beautiful vistas, and friends whose  love and kindness would be a balm to my wounded heart.

So we came, leaving our cares and fears at the Savior’s feet by His request. Turning Bryce over to Him again, we boarded the first flight. As the distance from home increased and our destination drew nearer, our smiles grew deeper, and my heart finally felt lighter. Yes this was a good idea Lover!

And so today I thank my Savior for His endless empathy, His  living, lasting love, caring compassion and kindness and His ever-present, perfect patience. The sky here now continues to grow lighter, bird song now fills the air, and another day begins, on this island paradise of Hawaii. What incredible gifts He continues to give! So while the countdown to 60 marches on, I merely mute its sound, and absorb all the peace, tranquility and beauty around me. It is another day of sand, sea and sunshine for me!

Saturday, October 13, 2018

And life is Eternal...

As I slowly came awake this morning my mind began to fill with snippets of sentences, words wanting to be written, memories making themselves known, feelings finding their voice inside my heart. The computer calling to me, I surrendered my sleep-in, and stumbled down the dark stairs....into the light. 

Yesterday Heaven welcomed home one of it's own as my Uncle Tom (my sweet Mum's only brother)  gently eased his way through the veil of mortality.  His departure from this mortal life came on so suddenly, we weren't even aware of this possibility until about two hours before it happened. Mum and I both received a video-chat from his eldest daughter Jan asking us if we'd like to say goodbye. By then he was in that space between consciousness and final departure. With a sob in my throat, an ache in my heart, and tears running freely down my cheeks I said.."Oh Uncle Tommy I am so sorry! I love you, and I know Nanny & Papa are waiting for you and you will not be alone!" I watched as my Aunty Una leaned into him giving him the kiss I asked her to give him for me. And I realized immediately in that moment- he was not long for this earth. I am so grateful to Jan, in that moment of tremendous grief, she included Mum and me!! I am awed again at the thoughtfulness of her tender heart! Oh how I hope I can be as selfless someday.

In my mind's eye I can see clearly how this tragedy from my perspective unfolded.
I knew without a shadow of doubt, that Nanny & Papa waited anxiously to greet him with open arms! What I can't stop thinking about is Uncle Tom's reaction. You see, my Mum joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when she was just fourteen years old. Her Mum, my sweet Nanny also joined, as did my incredible Aunty Yvonne. So Mum had tried to teach Tommy about her new-found beliefs. Even recently they had conversations about her understanding and knowledge of our Eternal Natures, as Children of God. He was quick to smile and say oh Gwenny you know that's not true...there's no after-life. We do the best we can here and that's the end of it.

The scene that has been replaying in my mind, over and over, for nearly 24 hours now, begged me this morning to describe it. So here I am am. Desperate to give no offense, but knowing I need to share.

I know with every fiber of my being that the anticipation felt by those on the other side of the veil was mounting as the time drew close. I know they were all acutely aware of those of us here who were heartbroken at the thought of losing Tommy. However all I see is the veil parting and Tom's first glimpse into Heaven. I see him look with a child-like sense of wonder at the crowd of family and friends who stand patiently, but excitedly waiting to greet him. I see his ever-quick smile settle permanently on his face, as the realization slowly seeps into his heart and soul..."Gwenny was right!" Then I see Nanny & Papa rush towards him and embrace him with their combined, powerful love, joyful beyond description to have him home again, with them. And then the sweet scene fades...only to repeat itself again and again. The look on Uncle Tom's face has not left my mind for a second!

I know there are those who will pass this off as perhaps delusional desires of a grieving heart, whatever helps you sleep at night notions, But I know what is real, I know what is truth, and I know this scene played out yesterday exactly as I have described!
Truth is not dependent upon one's belief of it. Truth stands eternal.

So knowing where Uncle Tommy is does give me peace. However for those left behind, without the reassurance of these truths, makes my heart ache with their grief! 

Obviously I grew up with Uncle Tommy in my life, I hold dear the myriad of memories I have. He raised and trained horses. I remember going to the horse farm, and it was expansive and well-equipped, with many many horses. Then later after we had migrated to America, I remember several visits he made to us over the years. Recently, because of my flight benefits with jetBlue, I have been able to travel back home to Australia, multiple times, so we've spent time together often. He was always ready with a quick smile, plenty of laughs, with a sprinkle of teasing! He is one of the kindest, most generous, thoughtful people I know. He adored his girls Jan, Karin, Susan & Robyn. Their husbands became the sons he never had, they did everything together as a family. One of the long-standing traditions was their annual trip to the Melbourne Cup. It was always an incredible trip, including everyone of course. And when Aunty Yvonne moved to Melbourne, Uncle Tom included her and Uncle Garry in these adventures. Mum even went out one year to join the fun. Tommy would hire a coach (bus) to move all his family around to each event! Tommy always took care of Mum, he was generous and caring of her well-being. His phone message to her on her birthday this week was evidence of his love and care for her...even when he was obviously not well himself. Mum remembers thinking he didn't sound like himself when she listened to it. Eventually we'll know more of the timeline of this unexpected turn of events. She knew he loved her dearly always! He loved everyone deeply and without reserve.

To say he will be missed, is the biggest understatement ever! One of his granddaughter's Jayde summed it up perfectly...he was the glue of the family! He led his family into close and loving bonds that will never be broken. And whilst they may wonder if this family unit can continue after death, it brings such joy to me to know they will see him again, they will be a family unit after death...and on through Eternity! 

So I wipe my tears, often, and wrap myself tightly in the memories we all share of this wonderful man. I pray for their peace and comfort, and smile at the possibilities of Uncle Tom's adventures beyond the veil. I know he will be close by to Una and the girls, he has a vested interest in assisting his family any way he can. He always has, and always will. He will watch closely as they step into their new altered reality without him by their side. I know they will ache for him. But I also know in their quiet moments of reflection they can totally believe he will never be far away!

What peace this knowledge has already brought me. His good heart goes on, his love for us all will continue to grow. He will never be forgotten, but always missed. Farewell, for now, Uncle Tommy! I love you!