Sunday, March 31, 2019

Car keys and Priesthood keys.

These last two days I have been able to sleep-in until the sunshine has poured into my bedroom as it crests the majestic mountains and fills our valley with light and warmth. And because it was Saturday and now Sunday I could just relax, enjoy it and thank Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for the blessing of it in my life. Saturday, Sunday, sleep-in, sunshine for Sharon. The God's are good!

With both our sweet grand-daughters here for a girls sleepover (much to Tayden's dismay) we had a fun-filled Friday evening and Saturday morning. However somewhere in all that fun I lost my car keys. I never lose my car keys. At first I wasn't overly concerned, we have a spare, and teaching the girls no-bake cookies that their parents loved as children, picking newly bloomed daffodils and the first trampoline jump of the year consumed my attention. After the girls left and the hours wore on my frustration at not finding them mounted. And then Clark reminded me I had the Stake building's fob on my key-chain, and my concern raised to another level. I had been praying for hours, I even resorted to telling Heavenly Father I knew that He knew where they were, and I was really ready for him to divulge their secret location to me. Silence. Silence. I swear Heavenly Silence is the absolute worst! 
After digging through two bags of garbage moving every object in my office and asking each granddaughter...and then their Mothers I was feeling defeated. I returned to my office and silently stood in the middle of the room, just using my eyes to continue the search this time.
And then in the silence , I heard it. Sobbing, sobbing from Bryce's room. We knew he was detoxing again from Meth.

I hesitated for only a second, and raced downstairs. I didn't even knock, just went inside and leaned down and held him. He was lying in his bed crying his heart out. I just held him, and then he said, "Mom it is sooo hard!" My Mother's Heart resonated with the defeat he was feeling, while not to the level he was feeling but I too had just identified with that same feeling....defeat. Suddenly I felt the Spirit of the Lord moving over us both and filling my mouth with His words. I instantly knew this was one of the moments He had been preparing me for, where His promise that if I did what He asked of me -focusing on Him, not Bryce- that I would be an instrument in His Hands-when the time was right.

It's interesting how earthly time seems to slow and expand in a heartbeat when the Lord is revealing His Plan and performing His Miracles. I quietly responded "That's because you are trying to do this alone, you can't. You need help. Maybe we should take you to the Hospital."
With tears still streaming down his face he shook his head, "I don't want to go to the hospital." Then I heard myself say, "Then we're going to do it my way. Let's go upstairs and have a shake and a priesthood blessing." Apparently he also heard the Power of the Lord in my voice as I did for he immediately threw off his blanket and stood up. I felt like I had just witnessed a miracle, and since Christ's miracles during His mortal ministry have been what I have been studying, I recalled how often Christ raised the lame to walk, and the dead to life...I was honestly stunned. I led him upstairs and asked Clark to call our friend and go-to -guy Gary to assist in an oil blessing. Clark was stunned in to inactivity for a moment as he also realized the magnitude of what was happening. Bryce has refused Priesthood blessings for the last 7 weeks. 

Gary arrived quickly and brought his and his family's love and concern as he stepped in to our home and embraced us. Clark gave a beautiful blessing. Bryce went downstairs still crying immediately after. Gary stumbled into a chair and said, "Oh my, what a miracle, the rush of Power that went through me to him...I could feel it. That was such a powerful blessing."  We continued to talk and share with him some of our own personal miracles, as we have watched this incredible son of ours fight his demons.

After he left I realized I had wasted so many hours looking for my dumb keys, I needed to meet with the Lord over the 5th Sunday class Clark and I are teaching today. Quietly I sat down and finished my preparations. Finally it was time for bed. I was surprised to see Bryce come walking upstairs with a smile on his face. He said "I feel sooo much better!" I responded, "Yeah for Priesthood blessings." He said "Yes."

As I prepared for bed I noticed Clark's jeans in our room and almost without a thought reached for his pockets and looking down there lay my car keys in my hand. I stood there stunned, I had stepped over those very jeans three times in my search for my keys. Then I finally remembered he had gone to pick up Brigan Friday night while I finished dinner preparations.

As I lay in the sunshine this morning I began to reflect on the events of yesterday.
If I had not lost my keys, I would not have been standing quietly in that very moment in my office which was the only room where I could hear Bryce sobbing. If not for my lost keys, we would have missed the miracles, in the Lord's timing, that followed. I am still in awe of the sequence of events. I am in awe of the Lord's plan for Bryce. This particular miracle I can now see was at least 7 weeks in the making...from my perspective now.

And so today I came downstairs and Bryce was sitting on the couch and greeted me with a somewhat sleepy two-dimple smile. Oh how I love this child.

Amidst the raging storms of our lives the Lord reveals His Perfect Plan for each of us and continues to lighten our load with joy and miracles. Car keys....Priesthood keys...I am thankful for both and the pure knowledge that each of us matter to Him. He does have a beautiful, perfect plan for each of us. Let the sun shine on I know the Son of God lives and loves me.
As I also know He loves each of us...perfectly!

Friday, March 8, 2019

Virtue, Power and a clean kitchen. **sigh**

As a family we accepted Pres Jones challenge to pray for other Stake members who are struggling, and to "let virtue garnish our thoughts unceasingly."

"If there is anything virtuous, lovely or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things." 13th Article of Faith

He admonished us to use our collective monthly fast towards this end, and as we sought to keep our minds and lives virtuous this week, he promised we would see the Lords blessings and power manifest in our lives.

To our delight Bryce accompanied us to church last week on our fast Sunday. However after the Sacrament he leaned over to me and said, "My blood sugar is crashing can you please take me home." I'll admit initially that snarky little voice in my head said..."yeah right!" 
But drawing upon my promise to the Lord, we headed to the car. I didn't say anything. Then Bryce quietly said, "I tried to fast this morning...." I gripped the steering wheel tighter as this truth entered my heart. He tried to fast. I responded quietly, "Maybe it's a little premature for that just yet, until you get your diabetes under control. However I am confident the Lord will bless you for your effort."

And so our days have passed, as Lehi said, "like unto a dream." I often feel drained from the emotional roller coaster that my life seems to be. But taking one moment at a time, leaning into the love and strength of the Lord and those who continue to pray with us, I am amazed at the blessings and power that has come into our lives this week.

We continued to give Bryce his space, and I focused on the Lord. Bryce seemed to really be struggling still and very non-emotional about everything. On Monday about noon he mentioned he was really struggling with his dark thoughts. Again my prayer was "Lord what would Thou have me to do?" His answer filtered gently into my mind, 
"Ask your Spirit Squad to pray specifically that Bryce can have relief from his dark thoughts and know- and do- what he can to feel the love around him, and My Spirit."

So between work calls I shot off a text to my "Spirit Squad" (now before anyone takes offense- in the heat of the moment and under the guidance of the Spirit I may or may not invite each of you every time. I love that so many of you tell me you continue to pray for us. Believe me please when I say there is no way we'd be where we are today without your prayers!)

A little while later I came out of my office to check on Bryce...he was gone. So with a nearly constant prayer in my head I went back to work. Almost an hour later (about two hours after the text went out) he opened my office door and smiled at me. Stunned I just basked in the light of his smile, then he said, "Were you looking for me?" I nodded and he went on, "I went downstairs and was reading my scriptures, and I feel so much better." 
And with another smile he walked out of my office. I was stunned, but so grateful! 
Cheers for my Spirit Squad.

A day later I was feeling pretty bugged at how messy my kitchen was, and how he never cleaned up after himself....my stove was a mess, I could track him through the house by the messes he left. So that snarky voice in my head (I think we may actually be related...) began to whine to the Lord...."What would Thou have me to do?" Let's just say...in a tone me and my snarky voice would recognize I heard.."If you are this bugged about your kitchen...clean it yourself, silently." So I accepted His will, and began to plan on spending the evening cleaning...silently of course. And then after work I came out of my office to an immaculate kitchen, dishwasher running and all! Stunned I glanced at Bryce, and he grinned sheepishly.
Yet another miracle that would never have happened without that directive from the Lord.

And slowly over these last few days we have literally watched the Spirit surround him. He told us he had been very conscious of all he thought, watched and listened to in obedience to Pres Jones challenge. He began to smile more, he became so much more helpful. Often anticipating my needs before I had a chance to verbalize them. We talked and laughed. We prayed and shared and cried. At one point I said to him, "Who are you and whatever you have done with my son...I am totally ok with." He laughed out loud at that one!

We had a really long talk last night and he shared how he's noticed such a difference as we had backed off (I confessed that was not my idea...it was a clear directive from the Lord.) 
He said there were days when he was very afraid of us coming downstairs to force him to get out and find a job.Or he had worried that we'd be mad he really wasn't doing anything all day. And then this week he slowly realized that the Spirit was more abundant around him, and that it was totally his decision that it was time to get back to work. He wasn't doing it to please us, he totally owned his changes. He says this whole new way of parenting has helped him make some very important decisions. Today he wanted to actively participate in some family things, he has amazed me at how helpful he is being. He has even cooked dinner twice this week. 

Finally this evening I caught myself thinking it was Saturday today...and then it hit me...I had enjoyed these last few days so much because nearly all of my normal Bryce-stress was gone! And I still had another two days of weekend with him! My heart soared. When he came upstairs I took him in a hug, and told him some of the joy he'd brought me, and how proud of him I was. He's such a delight, I feel drawn to be with him- like a moth to the porch light on a summers eve.

And so I have seen exactly as Pres Jones had promised...blessings and power in our lives as we have prayed for others and sought virtue! Our little piece of Heaven here under the guiding influence of His Spirit feels just like the haven we wanted it to become. And now as the evening shadows fall please know I will continue to pray for each of us, a prayer of gratitude for your goodness and love, a prayer of comfort and peace as we each navigate these treacherous waters of mortality. May we each lift one another and be gentle and kind to those around us. And continue to be a light to the world as we follow our Savior.

God is good!