I am more sensitive to hearing the Lord's requests, over and over in the scriptures, of the need for us to turn to Him. In all we do, seek Him. I wonder if I hadn't taken to heart this request, was it necessary to almost lose my son, in order for me to hear His plea, or follow it? Now I am sure many would emphatically disagree that the Lord would ever allow this on purpose...I am just pondering the possibility.
Today we sat with friends in church. And just as the meeting started Lynn was whispered into service for his calling, necessitating he leave his inside seat, climb over several of us to get out. Then as the Sacrament prayer began I heard someone sit down behind me, and felt their presence there. I had a fleeting thought, it must be Lynn and he didn't want to disturb us again. I glanced over my shoulder and was stunned to see the bench empty!
Immediately I knew Bronson was there. I felt my heart race and my breath was gone. Only then did it occur to me to wonder why? Why was he here? I closed my eyes, to avoid any distractions, and felt my way into the experience of having my son close by.
As we were leaving for church today Bryce had come upstairs, and I invited him to come to church. He shook his head but said "I love you." and then gave me one of his just-woken-up warm hugs. I trusted in the Lord, and gave Him my heartache in that moment and walked out. This experience ran through my mind, as I contemplated Bronson's visit today. I recalled a similar experience the day my brother Craig had died. I felt him sit down between Cassidy and I as the Sacrament Service began. Surprised, we had only been notified of his death a few hours earlier, I asked him "What are you doing here?" He answered, "I wanted to go to church today with family and you were the only one who went." After the Sacrament had been completed, Craig was gone. I found out later I had been the only one in Church that day. (Mum was nearly undone in her grief and couldn't face anyone that day.)
Then gently my answer came from Bronson, "I wanted you to know that I wanted to be in church with you today. You are loved and honored as a Mother in Zion." Tears filled my eyes and I thanked him & the Lord for such a tender blessing. I was reminded that although the veil may separate me from some of my children right now, the day would surely come when all of them would worship with me again. Silently Bronson slipped away, and I marveled at such a sacred, sweet experience. I idly wondered how many other 'angels' were among us during that sacred part of our Sunday worship, on any given day.
Then our Sunday School lesson included the interaction between Christ and the rich young ruler. Clark and I had been studying it this week, and he recalled learning awhile ago that most often people pass over a very critical part of the story, when Christ looked upon this young man, "and loved him". It was a powerful reminder that regardless of our choices Christ loves us all. He will meet us wherever we are- and make us complete, if we let Him.
In this story Christ reviews several of The Ten Commandments, and the young man responded that he had been keeping those commandments his whole life, which was true, however when Christ issued His request to sell all he had and give to the poor, then take up His cross and follow Him, the young man couldn't do it. The general narrative of this is the young man loved his riches too much. I think it goes deeper than that.
I puzzled over this for days, finally I looked up the 10 commandments and knowing some were commandments about loving the Lord and the rest were about loving others, I reviewed the Savior's verbal list. Sure enough the rich young ruler had indeed kept all that applied to loving others, however he had missed the four about loving the Lord. His focus hadn't, and wouldn't be, on the Savior! I have to believe that the description given this young man was accurate: rich young ruler, he had focused his good life on everything to become rich at a young age, but not on the Savior!
What tender mercies this day have been pored out on me.
As I have focused on my Savior, He has indeed blessed me again, as He has promised.
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