This morning I dropped to my knees feeling the need to have Heaven's help as today I was to take the assessments at Jetblue that were required before I can return to work. After being on a medical leave for 7 months, the closer this day came, the more my anxiety went up. So much had changed with my job since I had been gone. And while some part of my brain knew I would be fine, there was another part that was tirelessly taunting me with these changes, and had started me second-guessing myself.
I began my prayer and no sooner were the words forming in my head, than I suddenly found myself in awe of the lack of anxiety. There was an almost eerie silence, stunned at what I was experiencing, I couldn't even continue to pray. I stayed very still. I wasn't imagining this abrupt change. There was just nothing I felt stressed about. I completed my prayer and slowly got to my feet. I quietly gathered my things, offering another quick request, if there's anything I will need, that I haven't set out, please tell me before I leave the house. Silence.
No anxiety. No racing thoughts. Just gentle quietness. I started down the stairs to the garage, and I thought to myself, "Well it's just me and what's in my head and my heart then."
As I began to drive up to the center in Salt Lake City, I began to think, I wonder if this is what it will be like when I die, and cross over through the veil. I can't take anything with me, except what is in my head and my heart. I won't have my scriptures all marked up for easier recall, I won't have my journals to look back on, I won't have my scrapbooks, or social media reserves of family & friends photos documenting all the delightful experiences of my mortal life. All I get to take is my learning in my head, and the testimony & love in my heart.
Have I allowed the Lord to write His love in my heart? Have I learned all that I had opportunity to learn, both secular and spiritual? Has my heart been changed by the love I have for others, including my family? What was I going to take home to Father & Mother, when I leave this frail existence? It was a sobering thought, to say the least. Am I becoming all They intended for me to become?
In my Stake calling I have begun to memorize the new Young Women Theme.
I am a beloved daughter of Heavenly parents
with a divine nature and eternal destiny.
As a disciple of Jesus Christ
I strive to become like Him.
I seek and act upon personal revelation
and serve others in His holy name.
This is as far as I have gotten up until today. Those are some powerful truths and responsibilities! As I continue to see the young women of our stake stand taller to accept these sacred promises, I am amazed at their strength and willingness to be obedient, and follow the Prophet! What an inspiration and example they are to me!
As I attempt to internalize these gifts I am so grateful for all I am learning, and feeling.
I am coming closer to Christ as I study His words in the Book of Mormon. I used to joke that someone must have edited that wonderful book, because it seemed every time I read it again, I found new truths! Well if I thought editing had happened before...NOW it's like instead of the equivalent of a candle's limited light shining on my text, this year it's like a football field's worth of lights is flooding every page! I love it! God is good!
Yes God is good, and He supported me through to success with my assessments today!
And now as this day comes to a close, I will kneel again, this time to thank Him for answering the prayers of my family and myself. And then I will record the witness of His hand in my life today. He is indeed so good.
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