Jello Jiggler Scraps Anyone?

I feel like I am pretty good about obeying the Spirit. I remember the one piece of advice my Mum gave me as I went off to college was, "When you are feeling down, do something for someone else." That counsel was etched on my heart after the first week of school. We had a friend living in Rexburg who cared for her elderly mother, and I knew her sweet Mom was declining and as I struggled with feeling a bit out of sorts on that Saturday night...my Mum's words floated into my mind. Then I began to argue with the Spirit...it was dark, I'd have to walk there alone, I'll go tomorrow. You can probably guess the outcome of this experience by now. Yes, the following morning my friend called to tell me her Mother had passed away in the early hours that morning. I was upset and vowed I would always do the Lord's bidding from then on. Even the errands He sends me on that seem very odd. Like the time I was making Jello Jigglers for a Stake Primary Activity, and the Spirit said take the scraps to Jenny...Yes that gave me pause as I thought what in the world will Jenny think? However He was pretty insistent, so I covered the pile of 'edges' with plastic wrap and dropped them off at her door with an "I love you." note on top. Later that day when she came home from work she called me in tears. "I just had the worst day at work, how did you know I love Jello Jigglers scraps?" You see I didn't know that about her. But God did! I have many stories of being led to do something for someone else. I have been true to my vow, with very few exceptions. 

Friday found Bryce and I in yet another courtroom, as he is diligently cleaning up his past messes. As is usual with these court hearings, we'd been waiting for his turn for over an hour. Then the judge called up this lady, who looked well put-together, dressed and spoke nicely, and stood out from the parade of folks we'd already witnessed. Then she had our undivided attention as she seemed determined to plead guilty of discharging a firearm in her home. The story began to unfold piece by painful piece, when the judge said, "Why did you do it?" She answered, "I was trying to take my life." Tears filled my eyes as she continued, and I had to put my hand over my mouth to stifle the sob that was trying to escape. She finally told him she had lost 7 people close to her in a two-month period of time and the pain to go on was just insurmountable. By now my tears were coursing down my cheeks as I struggled to breathe. She went on confidently advising the Judge she had gone into counseling, and really wanted to just get this behind her, as she was in such a better place now. We watched with respect as the Judge did the best he could for her. I leaned over to Bryce and said, "Be ready I am going to hug that woman when she's done." He quickly replied, "Oh good I was trying to figure out how to do that without freaking the Judge out."

I stood as she left the stand and said, "Can I give you a hug?" Though she was very surprised she seemed to fall into my outstretched arms. While I held her I said, "That was very brave and I am so glad you stayed. Please stay, you are loved and needed, don't leave." And then I stepped back as the Judge called Bryce up. I however couldn't stop crying, all through his hearing, through the paperwork to clear the warrant, and into the parking lot. I finally hugged him and quietly said, "I am glad you were here for your court hearing today, and that you are alive."
It was one of those moments when what-could-have-been screams at me in the face. 

I doubt I will ever see her again, and she doesn't know who I am or why I did that, but God does. God knew what she needed to hear and feel that day in the courtroom. And He knew I would do as He asked. So she could feel His love in whatever measure He knew she would feel it. WOW! I am not sure on this journey of healing and recovery if I will ever be able to erase that experience from my heart. 

I remember my sweet friend Claire, telling me once that if she could have one Gift of the Spirit, that she could choose, it would be to be able to say the words Heavenly Father wanted her to say to someone about how much He loves that person. I think she already has that gift, because she often brings Heavenly Father's love to me through her words.

Today was no exception, and a much needed boost of confidence when she text me. She said, " I finished reading your book today! I loved it. I believe you offer different avenues of hope when struggling through adversity. Each section offers examples of how I can reach out to my Heavenly Father to look for comfort and peace. I feel like there are many emotions of which you speak that will resonate with many. Although no one will experience the exact trial of which you write many many many brothers and sisters will experience the same depth of sorrow, grief, loneliness, hope, charity, and Christlike love. I love you friend. What an honor to read your sacred work."

I find often my fears are battling with my faith as I write the book, coupled with my physical issues with my shoulder, I was in desperate need of love and support to keep pushing on through this process. Claire was my sweet support today. You see, God knew exactly what I needed, even while I may have not been able to articulate it to Him. And in His infinite mercy and unfailing love, He placed Claire in my world, to be there for me today. There are angels among us, on both sides of the veil. And while I may be one for someone, He sends them to me when I need it most.