#hearhim

After another episode late last night that Clark worked through with me, including a priesthood blessing, I woke early with thoughts tumbling around in my head. I have only had three episodes since starting with the Chiropractor about 7 weeks ago. Throughout this experience we have learned what can be addressed at home, and what needs medical intervention. So I am so grateful for Clark's loving and gentle attention as we worked through total body weakness, uncontrollable seizure-like movements, disrupted language, severe nausea and brain scramble. 
So I got up early to journal a couple of Tender Mercies yesterday, and that makes me realize again the blessing of seeing the Lord's hand in the most minute details of my life.

This week has been very different for me. Last Saturday we enjoyed a much-needed visit with Kylee, Jonny & Nadja. Their little family has had some struggles with the circumstances the virus has left in their lives. We weeded together, worked on our burn pile, and enjoyed a 'picnic' lunch. They left with lighter hearts and reminded of how much we love them. Unfortunately we didn't physical-distance well enough, and so I am isolated from my Darling Declan & his family for two weeks. Regardless of how much I hate this, I also respect Dani & Paul for protecting their little family also. So without work or Darling Declan, suddenly I had a ton more time on my hands. So I have spent a lot of time trying to tame my backyard, which always allow a lot of personal reflection. 

I had just sat down in the early afternoon yesterday, at my kitchen table, where I have an unobstructed view of my back door. I looked up as Bryce walked back inside, and said, 
"I need to go see the Doctor." And then the tears rolled down his face. I quickly went to him and hugged him while he cried and he said his depression was making this new normal soooo hard. He knew he was doing well at work (from home- he's been working full-time since last September-ish) but his negative thought pattern was not allowing him to see the good...only that he wasn't good enough! We talked through some ideas and points while he took the suggested Reliv Shake. Immediately feeling better he started back down the stairs and paused before saying, "I am sure glad you were sitting right there when I came in." He disappeared downstairs and I thought to myself...wow! Had I still been working and tending Darling Declan I most certainly would not have been 'sitting right there' then! God is good! And so mindful of  every one of His children! He is also still fulfilling His promise to me that "when the time is right you will be an instrument in my Hands." 

After that I felt the impression come again to submit my manuscript to another publisher. 
Editors note: In defense of full transparency, please don't judge me...I blame my scrambled brain.
So I sat down to compose an email to a friend of Clark's who had offered to help in this process. As I started to bring him up to date on this journey...I suddenly had a funny feeling. Crossing my office to the bookshelf I picked up another friends book and flipped it over to see the publisher, remembering why the book was lying out. I recently met Merrilee Boyack and told her I had used one of her quotes in the manuscript to which she replied, "If Covenant says no go to Cedar Fort, I had to do that a couple of times." I came home that night, pulled out my friends book to verify they both had published through Cedar Fort. Returning to my computer I went to Shadow Mountain Publishing and saw again they were not accepting manuscripts til September! I had almost submitted to the wrong publisher again. So I paused my email and instead submitted my manuscript to Cedar Fort. I was pleasantly surprised that they were actually soliciting manuscripts in Genre's my manuscript could easily fall under. It was a pleasant, seamless process that I actually enjoyed this time. Within a couple of hours I received the auto-response email advising me they had received my manuscript and advised it would take about a month for their response.

So this morning with a bit clearer brain, I am delighted to recognize  the Tender Mercies that continue to unfold in my life. I feel the Lord's blessings as if I am wrapped in a warm blanket, you know the ones the hospital heats up for you? And when I see Him working through me to bless His other children I am in awe. I am well aware of my shortcomings and straight-up failures, yet in all my less-than-perfect self, He still sees "I am enough for Him", and He uses me accordingly. What a gift to remember. As King Benjamin would say..."O remember, remember that these things are true..." I love his final General Conference talk! 

I think one of the greatest blessings of this pandemic is the forced slowing down of the world and all it's trappings and noise, in such a way that, in silencing the worlds influence, the things of the Spirit, and those things which we do that are of the most importance and of eternal worth, seem to be increasing in our lives. With less worldly noise, I hear Him more often and more clearly see His works in my life. I keep reminding myself we are living in remarkable times, but not left alone by our God, His Son Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost. 

Enjoy the silence, remember to take time to see His hand and #hearhim as often as possible. Notice the spring time around us. And breath deep! Happy Friday!