I hate addiction

My sweet nephew Dakota, died of an overdose early this morning. His father, my brother Craig died the same way 15 years ago. As I have tried to process this tragedy, the level of personal pain, the depth of fear, and the heartache that accompanied this news rocked me to my very soul. My heart is aching for Dakota's Mom Jeni, for my Mother Gwen. All the emotions of how close we came to losing Bryce, just bubbled up in a fury to the surface. 
We both sobbed as I told Bryce, he kept saying "I am so sorry Mom...I am so sorry Mom...at least he doesn't have to suffer anymore." I told him Dakota had finished rehab, completed the sober living house, and had moved into an apartment with one of the guys at the house...and now he's gone home to his Dad in Heaven. Slipping through the veil alone, I have no doubt Dakota went straight to his father's loving arms, and was surrounded by so many other friends, and his family...never to be alone again!  

My sadness turned into white-hot anger next. I wanted someone to blame. I wanted someone to pay! I wanted this not to be true. When does any addict get to win? I knew anger is the second emotion...and it served absolutely no purpose, except to mask the pain. I acknowledged that I needed to feel the pain, to ask Christ to ease that pain, rather than act foolishly myself. I let the anger go. I knew if I stayed in the anger I would be giving control to Satan. I needed to stay close to the Lord and have His Spirit to be with me. I needed His enabling power as I face the family today...they need to know of Heavenly Father's love. They need hope of where Dakota is now.

Yesterday I kept getting the prompting to fill my car up with gas...I continued to ignore it, thinking I'll do it when it's more empty. I am paying for that poor choice today. However yesterday I was also asked to give the opening prayer in Sacrament Meeting, which I accepted readily. No one would have faulted me, this morning to have Clark do it for me...but I realized that Heavenly Father knew yesterday when I was asked, what my morning today would be like, so I decided to do it. Clark was ready in the moment to step in for me. But as I read (rather than sang) the opening hymn I felt the peace only the Savior can bring, trickle into my heart and fill me to overflowing. 

...And may our thoughts still turn to Thee, 
With loved ones, friends, and family. 
In all we do till day is gone, 
may worship still continue on.
Help each to seek a quiet hour 
To read Thy word and feel Thy pow'r. 
To hear Thy voice, though small and still, 
Renew our strength to do Thy will.
Father on this Sabbath day, Be with us gathered here, we pray. 
Father on this Sabbath day, Be with us in our homes we pray. 
Father on this Sabbath day, Be with us in our hearts, we pray.
Hymn #148 Sabbath Day 

Enveloped in His tender arms, I felt His peace. Slowly I walked to the front, and prayed, I invited His spirit to attend our meeting, without a tear. What a testimony of the power of Christ's atoning, enabling power! He is my Savior!
Friends wrapped me in their arms as they came to know. All of them also asked how Bryce had taken the news. Their love helps heal my grieving broken heart! 

I hate addiction! I have watched the destructive power of addiction tear Dakota's family apart. And I realized this morning that maybe one of the reasons addiction is all around each of us, and is so prevalent in the final scenes on this earth is because once Satan has led someone to addiction...he can walk away because he no longer has to play an active role in destroying that child of God. Addiction does his work for him...and he moves on to another.

And so as I ache I step forward through this hard day, as I try to comfort Dakota's family, I continue to pray for His sustaining power. With a prayer in my heart, I will try to live my life, that others may want to be closer to Christ, because they know me.

When there's no peace on earth, there is peace in Christ.
He gives us hope when hope is gone.
He gives us strength, when we can't go on.
He gives us shelter, in storms of life.
When there's no peace on earth, there is peace in Christ. 

Many of you know we follow little Claire Ryann Crosby she and her Dad Dave sang this beautiful song when it was released to coincide with the YM/YW theme this year.
You can see them singing it on Utube  https://davecrosby.bandcamp.com/track 

I testify, there is peace in Christ, only He who bore our sins, pain and heartache, can bring us peace and hope and strength! He has, He is, and He will.