We were in the car on the way home from Liam's game today when Tayden suddenly says, "Nanny, in a few years (he's 5) when we are teenagers will you still tell us we're cute?" I thought quickly, now that's a loaded question...I laughed and told him, that I would tell him he was awesome, that I loved him, and I'd still want to hug him...then I asked him, "Will you still hug me and give me kisses?" He smiled and nodded. #meltsmyheart It is so wonderful to see our world through his eyes from time to time. I also smiled because I also love that all my kids still hug and kiss me. There have been several times this week that Bryce has walked in to wherever I am and said, "I need a hug." And as I wrap my arms around all 6'5" of him I feel so blessed, and grateful that he is alive, and asking for hugs.
This week it seems Bryce's level of happiness has increased daily. He is noticing the changes as he is consistently taking his Meds. I am still dumbfounded at the clarity of thought he displayed when he asked me to help him get to the Doctor so he could start taking his Meds again. Such an unexpected answer to prayer. I had a friend tell me just yesterday that she still puts our names on the Temple Prayer Roll regularly. I am not sure I can ever adequately describe how completely confident I am that without all the prayers offered in my behalf, I would not be standing today! Thank you seems so little for so much but it's all I've got. I pray someday I can bless someone's life as you have mine!
As we have come nearer to April 15th my emotions have been all over the place, as I contemplate coming to the one-year mark of Bryce's near-fatal suicide attempt. I have retraced those tumultuous days leading up to that fated conversation with him. I think of the things the Lord told me, how He guided me through those last few days. And now I reflect on some of the incredible experiences we have had these last twelve months. The pain and the countless miracles were all part of Heavenly Fathers Perfect Plan. I realized recently that had The Lord told me what Bryce was choosing to do...I know I would have done absolutely anything to prevent his attempt. And to what end...I know the statistics, he would try again, and the result may have gone the other way. That's not the point though. The point is The Lord had His own plan in place, and He knew His timing for Bryce to go Home wasn't that day, or the next or the next....
Recently I learned that when Nephi was commanded to return to Jerusalem and retrieve the plates from King Laban, he answered with complete confidence and faith in the Lord's ability to make this happen. Now here's the part of the story I had never realized before...Nephi wasn't told how to accomplish this seemingly-impossible task. Nephi wasn't told..."Oh and by the way you'll need to kill Laben first!" I can now see the wisdom in the Lord's plan, and realize we may have had a very different outcome to that story, had Nephi known everything before he returned to the Palace. Suddenly this parallel to my journey with Bryce took on a whole new perspective, and suddenly I knew why the Lord hadn't told me a year ago that April 15th would forever burn in my memory. He knew it. I didn't need to. It's as simple as that. Agency is a beautiful gift from an all-knowing, all-loving, all-seeing God.
Another thought recently is when Christ walked across the water to his disciples, it was only after He had observed them "Toiling" against the storm. He watched them struggle. He didn't step in immediately and thwart the valuable lessons they were learning. He was growing Apostles! He knew what they would go through after He left them. Always the Master Teacher, He allowed them the space to learn and grow. Just like Bryce, and me, He knew the outcome, and what it required to accomplish it. My goodness what strength!
Yet another Tender Mercy, I had applied multiple times to work the MCCM (Multi channel crew member) team at work, indeed I had been on the advisory team for JetBlue as we ventured into this new platform of communicating with our customers. I was disheartened repeatedly as I couldn't seem to make it all come together. Each time I turned it over to the Lord knowing His plan would be perfect. Then as this uncomfortable anniversary drew closer, I wasn't sure what to expect, or how I would feel. Then last week I received an email inviting me to train for this new opportunity, and my on-site training would be Monday 4/15 !! Suddenly I saw the beautiful wisdom in His plan for me. Not only would I be out of my normal environment, so preoccupied with training, but He saw to it that I would be surrounded by my work peeps, who knew all I had been through this last year. He is incredible! God is good.
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