However this morning I arose with a heightened sense of urgency to write. I opened my office window and the beautiful summer morning flooded into my room. The trees still, the sun shining in patterns through their leaves to my desk, the birds chattering in every tree, the cool morning air, with it's promise of summer heat to come later. Quiet. Peaceful. Hopeful. I smiled as I watched the hummingbirds feed in short, wings-fluttering-sips from the feeders.Then it was all temporarily shattered as I heard the all-too-familiar sounds of Bryce gaming downstairs, as he wound up his all-night session.
Suddenly the sting of his no-show yesterday to our family dinner (the last one we'd all be together until November.) rose to the forefront of my mind, and the other frustrations of seeing him alive but not living, too numerous to mention flashed with equal force through my consciousness. I whined to Clark, but knew I couldn't go against the Lord's directive. I sighed and picked up where I had left off.
July 9 2018 blog titled M, L & M. As I read what I had written almost exactly one year ago...the Spirit gently made Itself known. I kept on reading. Suddenly I was swept back in time to that day. And the Holy Ghost said, "Just ask." And like a giant puzzle before me the final piece appeared.
"Father what would Thou have me to do?" Instantly the impression came,
"Limit his internet, and go back to a simpler form of the 24 hour plan."
Afraid to make a wrong step in this moment I asked,
"Lord just to be clear this is Thy will?"
The second witness flooded through me as chills swept over me, and my heart KNEW.
I could hardly contain the urgency to share this with Clark. But forced myself to breathe, feel and enjoy the confirmation that what we were about to enforce was indeed Gods will...come what may. Other than the tears falling freely, the sun still shone, the birds were still singing, and the trees were peaceful, stirring occasionally on the gentle breeze.
My heart felt peace. Hope. Faith, and blessed silence. And then I began to marvel at the magnitude of what had just happened. A year ago the Lord had answered my prayer that day but also laid the foundation to answer today's pleas. He answered my prayer before I even uttered it today! I stopped writing to record in my journal the miracle of God's hand in my life today. In doing so I recalled another time with similar circumstances. We had finally agreed to move back to Utah when Word Perfect came calling. Saddled with student loans upon graduation we had been praying for 7 years for help to meet our needs. Then the call came and we returned, and our first year-end bonus, paid off our loans completely! God had already laid the foundation for those prayers to be answered, years before we began asking. I will never forget the stunned silence when Clark told me.
I choose to see and acknowledge every act of goodness from God. Every Tender Mercy. He is closer than we realize. He certainly is in the very details of my every day life. And He alone knows the secret desires buried deep within this Mother's heart. Oh how I love Him!
And now back to the joy of writing, praying always that His will be done. And shoring up my heart against the loss it shall surely feel when the final moments come for the kids to leave, back to Texas. My keyboard is swimming, blurry with my tears. But oh what a gift this 16 months has been. Also interesting to me that these 16 months were when Cassidy's family's love, strength and support was available before we even knew how desperately we would need them. Another answer to unspoken prayers!
So as the unique hum of the hummingbirds wings penetrate my summer morning, I give thanks for Tender Mercies, and answers to silent prayers. God is good!
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