Friday, July 19, 2019

To breathe or not to breathe, that is the question.

I wonder sometimes why certain events play out like they do, and try to understand the life lessons the Lord wants me to learn. I decided to blog about this partly in hopes of figuring out the lesson to be learned.

Many of you may remember the horrific experience I had with my last shoulder surgery, Murphys Law reigned supreme in that experience. So much so I was traumatized for three years and was unable to even consider having the necessary surgery for my other shoulder. Finally recognizing the unrelenting pain and knowledge that I was doing more damage by putting it off, I both decided, and executed,  very quickly. After both hands had healed sufficiently, but not enough to return to work, the Lord moved mountains for me and said now is the time! I had the surgery on Wednesday. It went very well Dr told Danielle. Removed a bone spur, repaired rotator cuff, and bicep Tendon release or repair...or something.

This time the nerve block actually worked initially, they described that as it began to wear off, my hands would get tingly and that sensation would continue up my arm and that when it got to between wrist and elbow I should start on pain medication to stay ahead of the pain. Because the nerve block last time didn't work at all- we never really got a good handle on my pain, so this time when 6-7 hours later the pain came on like a runway freight train, we were stunned! Fearing we were already behind the ball- we immediately started in on the prescribed meds. I was initially stunned at the amount the Dr had prescribed, but already in tremendous pain I submitted and we made a plan to stay ahead of it during the night. Knowing neither of us would sleep well Clark slept across the hall in the guest bedroom. But by the second or third dose I became aware that I was not breathing right. I'd doze  off and then wake myself up as I gasped to restart my breathing. This wasn't good but I was  powerless to change anything. I dozed off again and stopped breathing, no gasping. I want to believe it wasn't an extended period of time before I was woken by a familiar voice loudly saying "Mom!" That shocked me into breathing again. I lay awake and suddenly realized the voice was very similar to my daughter Danielle, but she wasn't in my room. I was then given to  know it was her older sister who I had miscarried before my pregnancy with Cassidy my first born son. I always knew I had both a son and a daughter waiting with our Bronson on the other side of the veil but I had never had any contact with either of them before this night.

And after she called out to me my breathing continued normally, had I had no difficulty since then. Still fighting in my mind against the pain I knew was lurking I continued taking the meds  howbeit in smaller doses. But several hours later I began throwing up. So violent and in quick succession were these bouts of vomiting- that I even bruised a rib, I think. I stopped the pain meds and the vomitting stopped. As I came out of the haze and exhaustion of those hours I realized the nerve block was back to normal and doing its job! I have no idea where the pain came from and why this whole experience happened.

And while I have no  concrete answers,  I am at least at peace knowing again I am being watched over and,  that help from family on the other side of the veil is both real and appreciated, especially when on some level I can't even ask for it in conventional ways!

So today is another new day and one day closer to pain-free normalcy. Faith in every footstep!
How grateful I am for my loving husband and wonderful children, on both sides of the veil!
And Happy Birthday to my darling Danielle today. And bonus- I now know what your older sister sounds a lot like you!


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