Trials and blessings

Oh where to begin? These last few weeks have been difficult to focus on the Lord rather than on Bryce. I felt Bryce was really struggling, we haven't seen him this quiet and withdrawn in a long time, and we were worried. But I clung to the assurance that I was trying to accept the Lord's directive, and He knew all that was going on with Bryce. Looking back I have been able to see how His plan is perfect. I can see how I would likely have derailed His perfect plan, if I had not been focused on the Lord. I can see how my testimony has been strengthened, and I can see tremendous value in recording the Lord's Tender Mercies each night before bed.

As the days rolled along I was getting a bit worried, but remained firm in my resolve, to the point that there were a couple of times I literally had to walk away from Bryce...biting my tongue so as to not speak. Then Bryce finally opened up a little and told us he was still struggling with suicidal thoughts. I can honestly say, I didn't panic! I knew the Lord knew the situation exactly. 

Then a day or two later Bryce seemed a little brighter so I commented on that. He replied, " I asked Heavenly Father to take away my desire to die. And He did!" I think my heart may have stopped mid-sentence, but then we both cried together. I realized that Bryce's experience, or answer to his heart-felt prayer would never have happened, had I not been following the Lord's directive. Humbled, and awed, and deeply grateful, I saw the Lord's perfect plan being unfolded before my very eyes.

President Jones (during our recent Stake Conference) invited all of us to record daily our spiritual experiences where we saw the Lord's influence in our lives. Every night I am amazed at the days events, seeing with new eyes the peace and beauty of knowing He is there for me. 

This morning as I was reading about Lehi, I paused as I realized suddenly this age-old scripture appeared differently to me this morning.
 1 Nephi 2:3
"And it came to pass that he was obedient unto the word of the Lord, wherefore he did as the Lord commanded him." 

Lehi was immediately obedient. However he left everything and everyone he was comfortable with and set out into the wilderness! Yes he was obedient but his life was very hard. He was living in a tent, after enjoying great wealth in Jerusalem. He had many trials and struggles and difficulties in his immediate family. But he continued to be obedient and the Lord blessed him. 

So often I think if I am obedient then the blessings will come...however the truth of it is that yes indeed the Lord's blessings come, but not always as I think they should be. I realized that somewhere in my head I had attached specific blessings I wanted and felt they would be realized as I continued to be obedient. Forgetting the Lord's will and the Lord's timing, and the Lord's perfect plan.

This last week with Bryce helped me to understand how I must be immediately obedient and that's where my control should end. I don't get to control how I will be blessed. This experience afforded me a new perspective. One I sorely needed.

Again I feel the need to express my gratitude to each of you for your continued love, support and prayers. I feel them. I know we are not alone, during this trail of trials called mortality. For that I am eternally grateful.