Second only to the Spirit, the sea fills and restores my soul! Today a solitary beach stroll, toes sinking into the sea-soaked sand, as the waves crash, reaching and returning, leaving a gentle array of white happy bubbles around my toes. The breeze is fresh...ok it maybe brisk...but it’s blowing over the sparkling water and lifting the edges of my sundress as I walk.
Settling down on my beach-chair waiting for the waiter to bring me a Diet Coke, the sun is bursting forth from behind puffy white clouds, in a picture-perfect Florida sky and warms me through to my soul.
Again, I marvel at the majesty of the ocean. Powerful, continuously moving, endless and beautiful. Ever-changing, yet forever constant. Filled with shimmering light, it draws me in, offering peace, joy and a deep assurance that God is in His Heaven and all’s right with the world. As I continue to watch the repetitive rolling waves, my thoughts are sensing the representation of my Heavenly Father Himself in the mesmerizing scene before me. For surely I have seen, especially in these last sixteen days...His majesty, His power, continuously moving me towards His answers and more faith, endlessly I have His loving support, and beautifully He has shown me His concern. Ever-changing, yet forever constant. He has filled me with His shimmering light and hope, in the darkest moments of my life. He draws me in, offering peace, joy and deep assurance that He is in His Heaven, and close by. As I have felt His kind embrace, He has whispered “I promise this is My Plan....and all will be well eventually. Take my yoke upon you for I am here with you and will ease your burden.”
Today I realized, ( just as I had done years ago when I finally began to heal from my childhood of sexual abuse), while I would not want to re-live these last sixteen days, or wish the experience on any other individual.....I am again profoundly grateful for my personal spiritual journey, and growth.
As I walked this morning along the shoreline, the full sensory experience of sights, smells and sounds that are so soothing to me, filling and renewing my battered soul. Bryce was not far from my thoughts again. I reached for a little seashell, thinking I would take it home to him, as a reminder of our past forays on the beaches of California. A remarkable thing happened next.
As I turned the little grey and white shell over in my hand, checking to see if would meet our seashell-approved standard, I began to study it as a series of impressions came into my mind. This beautiful seashell was perfect for my intended purpose, to bring joy to my son, to serve as a reminder of our shared past and love of the beach, and to give tangible hope to a future filled with happy times again. However....suddenly that pretty little shell spoke such astonishing wisdom to my soul, tears flooded my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. This little shell wasn’t initially made to look like I saw it now, it was once a beautiful safe home for a little sea creature. I tried to imagine what it had been through, losing so much, Being torn apart, tossed incessantly in the mighty ocean, ultimately, permanently broken, it is forced up out of the depths of all that is familiar, to land in a very foreign, unfriendly, strange world....the sandy beach. There to be left, alone, baking in the hot sun, never to be the same again!
And yet, just this morning, I picked up this little shell, marveling at it’s apparent perfection-for wasn’t it the one I’d chosen amongst the others there in the glistening sand? It wasn’t broken, it had pretty color, and it was absolutely perfect for the use I had intended it for! Aren’t we all a little beat up, separated from that Eternal realm and Family we’ve known forever? Haven’t we all been tossed and seemingly buried in pain, heartache and loss? Haven’t we all been thrown into a strange and sometimes unforgiving place? But isn’t this what we love about each other? Don’t we all delight in a partially-broken-seemingly-displaced gem of an individual that we immediately are drawn to
and take into our hearts in joy and thanksgiving? Oh my!
And so these last few days have been fun, filled with so many who know of my shattered heart, who have so kindly, picked me up from “the beach”, and hugged and loved me! Work friends, some whom I’m just face-to-face meeting for the first time, have let me know what a beautiful “seashell”
I am to them. My friend Natalie, when I paused to enjoy my first view of the beach said, “Here let me take a picture of you here, you deserve this” Another dear friend here, Kristen, herself suffering with a difficult disability, hurried towards me, arms outstretched with a beautiful smile on her face saying, “Oh Sharon I just wanted to hug you!” And our CEO Robin himself, meeting for the first time (After a couple of, at first,unrelated email exchanges) swept me into a big hug and pointing to me said “I promise your son will be ok! You’ll see”
And now with this wonderful experience tucked into the soft parts of my heart, I’m heading back home. One last look at the beach, one last glimpse of the palms, one more breath of the warm Florida air...to sustain me again.
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