Steps...

Steps, measurements through life. Happy events we quantify by steps, progress, patterns and roles. Steps to bless the baby when he's born and declared ours to train and guide, during mortality. 
Chubby little fingered fists holding you in a vice-grip, as baby struggles to master that walking thing..those first steps. An adorable, contagious grin, this is merely the
beginning as they recognize their independence and freedom. First the finger grip, then more steps along the couch, still reaching for new things, people and places. Too soon they take off on their cute little legs, trying desperately to make all the bits go together the right way...and then trying it alone!
Suddenly it seems they are riding some contraption that involves numerous wheels...
Oh be still my heart!  
And on and on they go.. steps for climbing the stairs, steps up on to the trampoline...to get the ride of their  life from the bigger kids. We see their steps that are taking them on to new paths to explore ahead. 
Steps into the lake to go fishing, with Grandpa. 
Steps down the cliffs to the ocean..
Steps along the wet, golden sand at the beach, where the waves crash and then ebb back to the ocean, leaving traces of water on the sun-drenched, sparkling sand.
Steps to kindergarten, where he learns about others and his world from others. 
Steps to the school bus, new friends, and adventures....

And so it goes...time after time steps are milestones as mortality goes on.

Sometimes we see the glistening sands as our steps leave their temporary mark as we desperately seek answers to life's struggles. Sometimes our journey of steps is lonely, hard, long and difficult to see ahead.
Sometimes we make choices..and take steps in the wrong direction.

1308 days ago I made a choice to turn my will over to God to find healing for my food addiction. I chose to not eat flour or sugar, and I haven't done so since then. I learned, in this process, about the 12-steps in recovery of the world-renown AA program. I  began to take those steps to heart in my own recovery. Later those steps would allow me to lead Bryce to his own 12-step program in recovery as he entered into Rehab. Unfortunately since them some of his steps recently had taken him down one of those wrong-turn paths.
Now 42 days after Bryce awoke, he has started his steps to recovery. Yesterday he reached step 4- Taking Personal Inventory. I feel empathy for him as I remember how hard this is, as it requires going back and doing inventory of past choices...
We silently observed as he began this process...after an hour or so he fell sobbing into my arms. I gently told him, "You are good. You have made bad choices...but you are a good person, and you are loved!" 

He was pretty low yet said he knew Heaven was helping him...there's no way he could have done this before....clean. Of course the Mother-Bear comes out again...in my head only...as I watch him suffer, yet I see him show such strength and courage! 

Much later, I heard the crunch of the driveway gravel as the tires rolled slowly over it. My heart stalled out for one exaggerated beat...and I leaped from my bed shedding the tangle of sheets and blankets. Grabbing the windowsill to steady myself, I leaned forward and with my forehead against the cool glass, I watched his brake lights shine through the darkness, as he turned the car towards the street...away from home. 
"Father...please keep him safe...I love him, and I know this is hard. Please bring him home again. Safe." 
Silent tears streamed down my face. I felt my knees begin to buckle, I wanted to scream, I wasn't convinced my heart could take another blow.

Instead I rushed down to my phone and frantically called him...as I was dialing,Clark said..."He's feeling much better now..." Suddenly Bryce answers my call..."Oh hey Mom what's up?" I slumped into the kitchen chair, swamped by relief and gratitude. "Just wanted to tell you that I love you!"

Steps..some days baby steps are all I can manage.
I hope fear and concern won't dog my steps every day...maybe just once in awhile instead....
However, as long as my daily steps are aimed back to Heaven...these earthly steps will become easier I know!

Slowly I take the steps to my bedroom, already offering my thanks to my loving Heavenly Father, who so perfectly understands my every step.