Bryce’s Blinks

35 hours....and counting and waiting.
The calculation of a ‘half-life’ timeline for his level of ingested meds is 36 hours....however that’s just a best guess scenario....as no one can know how much has been metabolized by his body, and heart especially. So yesterday afternoon Kylee sat with him for several hours and after awhile he would open his eyes and seemed to know she was close by and searched for her eyes. They have always been close friends and her tender heart struggled to see him suffering but she pushed through her own feelings to support him.
Later Cassidy and Emma arrived and during a brief lucid moment I told Bryce to look who was here. When Cassidy came into Bryce’s line of sight his eyes nearly popped out of his head!! The pure delight and surprise was priceless-Emma & I both simultaneously cried with joy! Cass talked to Bryce -told him he loved him and Bryce tried to say it back but was unable so I told Bryce “blink twice if you love Cass too” Bryce immediately gave two HUGE blinks. Then he turned to the other side of his bed and responded the same to seeing Emma. I wondered if perhaps Bryce didn’t remember they have recently moved back here, they haven’t seen much of each other the last few years.

Clark and I decided to go home overnight for some much-needed sleep and down-time. We called as soon as we woke up to learn they were attempting to extubate and had stopped his sedation. After he wanted to talk to me. And to hear his timid tentative raspy “  Mom...” was such powerful evidence of prayers answered and I felt God’s love for Bryce again and His infinite empathetic devotion to each of us....it took my breath away!

We arrived to learn he had coded again and was just coming around as I rushed to his side. He responded with tears in his eyes and “I’m sorry” on his lips while fear, pain, relief and then joy radiated from his eyes. He was swamped with so many emotions. I took his sweet face in my hands and assured him of our love and that all would be well. He wanted us close asked where he was and I began to talk. He closed his eyes and I said “do you want me to talk or would you rather ask what you need to know?” He said just keep talking. So I did, however I didn’t really say much then as we could tell he wasn’t really able to follow much. I think it was more an assurance that I was close by.

They began adjusting his IV minerals and meds when his heart suddenly began to race and rhythm was all over the place again. Suddenly he was throwing up and as they were getting ready to shock his heart to prevent another code....he started to choke on his vomit as they were standing back I shouted “he’s going to choke!” And took the barfbag to his mouth until he was through throwing up then we cleared the bed and they shocked him....unfortunately it was a very different experience for him this time though because he was alert and screamed with the pain of feeling it. My Mother-bear heart was beating out of my chest!!!!

Whenever any patient codes everyone on the floor comes running so we usually have a room-full and an audience as well. Life in the trauma ICU.....
After all that he settled into a bit more comfortable stretch. We were feeling a bit more optimistic at this point and then suddenly everything went south. They explained that we’ll continue to see typical reactions to an ‘overdose ‘ of the Celexa (as the level he has metabolized is unknown)

So we watch and wait. I’m having snippets of conversation as he is alert... but he keeps dozing off.
He was wiggling around a bit ago and when I asked what he wanted....
“I just want to see outside.” That spoke volumes to my heart and I felt again the balm of  my loving Savior....Bryce wants to live!

I choose to believe that inspite of all we’ve experienced.

Clark, our children and I, continue to be sustained by the thousands of tender prayers world-wide
( I can say that because of the messages, posts & phone calls from family and friends in Australia!) the living ministering visits, messages and calls to do anything to be of help, and listing us on Temple prayer rolls everywhere, I feel so incredibly blessed! Thank you all! Each of you have lifted and sustained me, way beyond you can even imagine.

My heart aches for those of you who have also lived similar nightmares and I pray that following our journey can ultimately bring you comfort and peace- whatever that looks and feels like for you!


I love you all and close in deep gratitude, until next time!