I had been looking forward to this Sabbath Day! And although we had to figuratively climb a mountain and ford a stream of rushing water before we entered our building today...we made it! Just as I was settling in for some much-needed spiritual nourishment...Bryce reached over and grabbed my hand and said softly..."I am having hallucinations! It's the tail-end of the drugs leaving my body..."
My own heart raced as I squeezed his hand offering my support. As I sat there praying for yet another miracle...I thought to myself how many of my dearly beloved ward members are here today with similar desires? I would venture a guess each of us have come seeking solace at some point during this trial we casually call "earth-life". Often we never even know the heartache of others around us. Hidden sorrows...And so I added my prayers to any that were being offered this day, that they would find peace also.
When Bryce finally let go of my hand and seemed to relax and be mentally involved in the meeting, I reached out to maintain physical contact with him as I lovingly rested my hand on his back. I was so proud of his effort!! And then I thought...aagghhh why in his first attempt to return to a church meeting did this happen? Would Satan never leave him alone? And then I was reassured... what better place for these lingering affects to rear their ugly head...it is a safe environment, plenty of Priesthood Power, Lots of loving support...why not here!
The meeting lifted his spirits, and he hurried off to his AA meeting right after Sacrament Meeting. And then I fell apart as Bishop & President Jones came to hug me and speak to me. I could feel the bone-weary exhaustion flooding my body. I knew it was time to come out of the 'Mother-Bear mode' and evaluate my needs. Sleep. That was easy! I asked the Bishop for a blessing and immediately felt the love of my Heavenly Father pouring down, filling every inch of my parched soul. Peace filled my heart and mind. These last two days have been very hard for me and as I felt that blessing, I knew I had been wrong in not asking for it sooner. I don't know why I felt the impression to have the Bishop it give it to me...heaven knows Clark has done his share of Priesthood blessings for both Bryce and I...but I felt afterwards that the impression that had come was because a Loving Father knew my need before even I did!
As I drove away from the church today, I had a rather singular experience. It was different than an impression, it was different from being given a glimpse, and it was totally unexpected. Suddenly, I was given knowledge.
I knew Bryce had jumped for joy in the pre-earth life when he accepted the opportunity to come to earth. He was willing to do anything to have this earth experience, and become more like Heavenly Father...including his addictions, and choices. He jumped for joy at the prospect to prove himself! I shared this new knowledge with him when I got home, and with tears coursing down his face he told us he'd had another long conversation with Bronson...and Bronson said "There is a purpose to all of your struggles...someday you will understand more fully. But know this you have done hard things before. You've got this!"
I was stunned....and it sparked a whole other conversation about what our limited understanding of our pre-earth was like. It was incredible! I have come to know that aside from the emotional strain, all these spiritual experiences I was having also left me drained, after they had manifested themselves. I love them all but my goodness it made for some intense days!
And so we come to the conclusion of our third 24 hours. We have had many deep discussions, much of learning and understanding. We have shed many tears and often feel emotionally spent...but we are all making every day be the best we can. And as this Sabbath day ebbs, I am so grateful for the continued love and support that surrounds me. I continue to choose faith and life and believe love is the greatest healer, motivator, and greatest Christ-like attribute we can aspire to.
And to that end I feel the to express to the love of my life..Lover, also known as Clark. His steady strength, and unfailing belief in me, is why I can be who I am endeavoring to become. His deep abiding testimony and convictions of the Gospel and Christ's atonement, inspire and bless me. I love this kind, gentle, often quiet man of God. His sweet influence is the glue that holds me together, the golden thread in my tapestry of life, the correcting measure to keep me centered. His loving listening ear allow me the room to express every emotion and thought to him. His unique sense of humor and giggle lift my spirits. I love that we have Eternity together. I love that he walks this particularly unique journey with me. I am so grateful he asked...(me to marry him) I am so proud of the father he is to our wonderful children...and Papa to our adorable grandchildren. He is my rock and my stars. He is my valley and my mountain. He is my hope for happier days, how grateful I am that he keeps his covenants so we can someday claim our Eternal Family.
Thank you my love for being just you!
No comments:
Post a Comment