Our First 24

Thursday Bryce was came home with us. 

There are moments when even saying that out loud doesn't seem real. 
While the fight with my memories is something I may never fully be free of, I can't really express the depth of gratitude for realizing on some level what a gift this miracle we call Bryce truly is.

Each medical professional has not necessarily agreed with all of our plan. However I keep going back to that ten days prior to his attempt, and following our previously proven plan, asking the Lord "What would Thou have me to do?" without fail, He has led us to His plan. It's one of the things that has kept me sane and on an somewhat of an even keel this last year or so where Bryce is concerned. So during this 10 days I repeatedly asked, however the Heavens were uncommonly silent. The only thought that came to me was maybe we should make a 24 hour plan...after all that's all an addict has...the next 24 hours. But it was a little bit vague...and undefined...the word 'wispy' comes to mind in attempting to describe the impression...which is pretty unusual for me. And we never acted on it after he confirmed he was using...the only option at that point was for him to begin packing to leave. And we all know what happened after that....

We had gone to the Payson Temple to see our niece, Megan, get married- early Thursday morning. I took the opportunity within those sacred walls to confirm our decision to bring Bryce home, against medical advice...and to go forward with our 24-hour plan. Immediately the gentle reminder came..."You have received your answer before..." 
My mind caught hold of a similar experience in our early church history when Oliver Cowdry asked again to know the truth. (D&C 6:14-16, 22-23) I knew the 24-hour plan was Heavenly Father's. I knew this is what He had guided us to do, and still desired for us to do. I would again choose faith in Him, for the outcome....which no one but God knows. Reassured I soaked up His sweet assurances, I felt His peace, as only He can give, I knew again of Father's love for Bryce and us. I closed my eyes and knew I could do this. And now I continue to cling to this tender peace-filled experience, amid the daily struggle, and I smile. He knows, and I am loved.

I can't remember if I mentioned his 7-year vision problems all disappeared after his final code on Wednesday last week. His vision actually flipped..he now is far-sighted instead of near-sighted...yesterday we bought him 'granny' reading glasses until his blood sugar levels are stable enough for the eye Doctor to reevaluate his eyes. This flip apparently is a not-uncommon phenomenon, and could also be related to his Diabetes diagnoses in the ER. 

It is heart-warming to see him so excited about seeing the beautiful outside world bathed in springtime sunshine and vibrant color. He grinned as he said "Mom I can see the leaves on that tree..." and when he saw the snow-capped Mt Timpanogos he said "Oh my gosh it's so beautiful!" He keeps looking around almost as if he is trying to absorb and enjoy every detail of his new life. It makes me smile. 

As we talk and share, we are both often teary. We were eating lunch at Costa Vida at the Gateway after I picked him up...and I can't remember what he was even saying, but the tears rolled down his cheeks and he just wiped at them and kept talking, totally unashamed at this very public display. He is definitely humbled and more comfortable in his own skin.

 And so we went through our day, talking, sharing, laughing and crying. When we finally  arrived home, we discovered a dozen yellow balloons all over our front yard. Tied to branches, handrails, mailbox, lamppost..everywhere cheerful yellow  balloons were dancing, catching on the breeze. My sweet friends Heidi and Claire displayed these balloons magically in preparation to welcome Bryce home. Ok I had to explain the Tony Orlando song "Tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree...  " But he got it and was delighted...then the flood-gates of emotions opened....

We paused in our car wrapped in each others arms, as the tears began again in earnest. Then he said "This is why I chose to live," My Mother heart soared with joy, knowing again he had somehow known to choose life, repeatedly throughout his horrific ordeal. We marvel that the Priesthood blessing he received in the seemingly chaotic ER that fateful night, where Clark blessed him with the will to live, penetrated the drug-induced unconsciousness and reached his sweet, pure soul...and invited him by the power of God Almighty in the name of Jesus Christ....to choose to live. 

Against unbelievable odds, now I have seen each hospital record...under catastrophic conditions that defy any possibility of a successful, normal outcome...he chose to live! 
Many have asked if he remembers anything...the only thing he does remember is a very long conversation with Bronson, his twin on the other-side of the veil. Bronson was with Bryce, not exactly sure when this conversation happened but Bryce thinks from the bits and pieces he's heard that it was in the American Fork ER. 

And so with simple life experiences...seeing God's beautiful handiwork in this glorious spring-time, yellow balloons to welcome him home because many love him, he is living his first 24. After driving to get a cup of coffee Friday morning he walked back in and said, "I need a hug..." Of course I thrill to hear these words and comply anytime and anywhere....and then during the embrace he began to cry..."I am so grateful for the simple act of normalcy, getting in my car, driving to get a cup of coffee like a normal day... I am so happy to be alive!"

I am happy to report he has worked at, molded and succeeded at his first full 24-hour plan. My heart filled with joy as he sat with his Dad before bed and made his plan for the next 24.  It may not fit the medical team's expected results, but I believe Bryce is living the right plan for him at this juncture. We all are bending our will to God's, and while none of us know the outcome, it really doesn't matter. We are choosing to live...we are choosing to live in faith.

I could see the brilliance of this plan whenever hard things come up, we can and did, easily dismiss them as irrelevant for this next 24 hours. I saw it often yesterday as we went about our busy day. Such a plan removes the anxiety of the future and focuses us on just today. It brings such a feeling of simplicity and peace. Baby steps....

I am amazed at the tender mercies from our loving Father in Heaven...everywhere I turn. 
As I watched the grandkids (who are still intentionally oblivious to all Bryce has been going through) jump on the trampoline with innocent abandon last night...I also noticed new flowers that my sweet Heidi and Claire had planted, for the first time...such a simple symbol of hope in many, many tomorrows. I wept in pure pleasure, reminded and grateful again to the numerous acts of Holy Ministering I have been a recipient of in the last 12 days.

One of the things I take simple pleasure in is when I watch others see Bryce for the first time. In response to a variety of caring questions he often simply says with a smile, "I am great, today has been a good day." I am well-aware we often don't know what to say and fear what we might say...So please know that he is good with knowing others care, he loves hugs, even silence with a smile helps heal all our hearts. I hope others can remember how critical it is to his survival and continued healing for each of us to stay within that days' 24 hour plan. As of this post Bryce knows about my blog and will someday read it, but he told me he wants to write his side of the story first, which I eagerly support and anticipate. He is, thankfully, unaware of much he has passed through. Someday....when it's right...

Along with your prayers and good wishes he will know and feel of your love and support, and it is enough for today!