One more hug.

I am so glad that the Lord's tender mercies don't have numerical limitations...or else I think I would have used up my quota in the last six days! I think I can safely say this has been the longest week of my life... early this afternoon we learned that there were no beds in Provo for Bryce to go to the Behavioral Modification Unit (BMU) here. So the next available option was LDS hospital in SLC. We decided to take the opening there, as Bryce was beyond ready to move to the next phase. It was not our preferred choice as the distance will
complicate our lives, however it was not our needs that we were most concerned with. 

When the transport team arrived however there were some complications no one had foreseen...And the transport team was visiting with us while the final paperwork was being completed. They told us there wasn't a bed available from Logan to St George....sad because of the need, but we recognized our tender mercy in getting Bryce admitted.

For one heart-stopping moment (I am amazed how differently I feel about those ever-so-common phrases now...) but yes literally my heart felt like it skipped a beat while my breath refused to come...somehow the hospital Social Work Team had failed to advise Bryce's current Doctor on the floor that this admission was not voluntary! 
I said..."Wait... what? You mean he has a choice to go home with us now?" Bryce was at this point already strapped to the transport bed....If my heart was doing this...I couldn't even imagine what his head and heart were doing. However the truth of it was that due to the severity of Bryce's attempt, he had no option but to be in-patient in a BMU and be evaluated by a psychiatrist. Even though I would have loved to bring Bryce home today, I knew it was in his best interest to be evaluated properly and then we could make an appropriate plan for his recovery. But oh how my heart ached as they finally loaded him into the transport, and after one more hug...closed the door and took him away.

Last Sunday I would not have believed I could witness him being loaded and taken from me twice in six days! Amazing what my heart has endured this week. Tears filled my eyes as I took Lover's hand and we began the long walk through deserted hallways to our car to come home. At first I thought I was just numb and unable to process everything...but as I quietly reflected on my last six days I know without a doubt the prayers, love and support of those who love us have literally sustained me through these very dark days. My friend Sharon asked me last night if I thought my blog had helped me...the answer is yes! It has helped me process events, put things into perspective, and recognize and acknowledge my many tender mercies and answers to so many other people's prayers, as well as my own.

We are taught that often Father in Heaven answers our prayers through others...I am a living testament to truth of that! I am in humble awe of all my blessings this week.

And now for the first time since this nightmare began I am at home, missing Bryce, recognizing the silence and peace of my home...but also very grateful I can't hear a monitor beeping, a nurse charting, a code or rapid response alarm going off, or smell the now-familiar plastic, or sanitized and hospital-like smells. While I am infinitely grateful for all those things, I think my brain and senses are on over-load.

When I hugged Bryce's nurse of the last three days-when he was actually awake-I was silently so grateful for those among us who have made serving others this way their life's mission. We have met some truly incredible people throughout every stage of this harrowing experience.

When the transport team learned of Bryce's experience they were in awe of his miracle of life. They commented he must have angels around him. He quietly said, "And I have a twin brother..." Twice now he has completely blown people away by his survival. First was our wonderful friend Gary Little who assisted Clark in a priesthood blessing in the ER...he came to visit last night and Bryce dressed in normal clothes stood up from his bed and with his thousand- watt smile hugged Gary. Gary got very emotional having not seen him since the blessing. He later told me it was a memory he would never forget...what a miracle! Then the receiving facility this afternoon required a second EKG before they would agree to the transfer (just because Bryce's heart was such an issue I believe) the tech walked in with the portable machine and said.."I know you!" We were a bit surprised and she continued.."I did your EKG in the ER. (We all gasped!) I can tell you already it will be much better today!"
Later after confirming her prediction she went on to say that she rarely sees the miracle before her and it was such a thrill to see Bryce today. She said when folks come in as sick as you were we rarely see this outcome. We were again stunned into silence as she left the room.

So tomorrow we'll hear how his evaluation goes and what the plan for him is. He was resigned to this next chapter, although he was still convinced he could make a run for the exit and succeed. I wonder if the only reason he took a walk outside with supervision today was to gauge the proximity of the outside doors. I say that in jest but I have had to talk him out of breaking out more than once! He woke up from a nap today and said "Oh I had the best dream! I dreamed I made a run for it and out-ran the nurses!" I was glad his sense of humor was back...even if there was a wistful hint of truth there!

And so now I see the shadows of this Sabbath Day lengthening out as that beautiful sun continues on it's God-given path. Night will steal in, and we will kneel to thank our loving Heavenly Father for His infinite love and blessings this day. And to beg one more favor...    to please watch over our beautiful boy. I know this night will feel never-ending for Bryce.  But just as I witnessed today...the sun will rise again tomorrow and the new day will be upon us before we know it.